Meet the Raptors!
#7 Andrea Bargnani- Andrea has bucked the trend of NBA stars with shoe deals to land a series of endorsements for Chef Boyardee.
#4 Chris Bosh- Chris suffers from a rare condition that has caused his "Adam's apple" to grow into an "Adam's mango".
#8 Jose Calderon- If Jose were an American, he would be a car salesman named Teddy.
#3 Juan Dixon- Juan insists on calling all of his white teammates "Steve Blake", because it makes him feel more at home.
#11 T.J. Ford- T.J. has petitioned the Raptors coaching staff to add a "nap time" and "coloring hour" to daily practices.
#15 Jorge Garbajosa- Jorge spends over an hour every morning grooming his beard to achieve that perfect balance of "rugged" and "suave".
#14 Joey Graham- Joey can out-benchpress the entire Toronto starting lineup put together.
#43 Kris Humphries- The Raptors locker room has been converted to solar power because Kris eats light bulbs.
#2 Darrick Martin- Darrick is actually an assistant coach, but insists on wearing a jersey like a baseball coach.
#12 Rasho Nesterovic- Rasho picked Slovenia to win it all in the Raptors' NCAA Tournament pool. No one has the heart to tell him that they're not in it.
#18 Anthony Parker- Anthony has had it up to here with people asking how "Timmy", "Eva", and "Booba" are.
#24 Morris Peterson- Morris prefers gift bags over traditional wrapping paper because bags can be reused.
#10 Uros Slokar- Like some other NBA players, Uros has come up with a nickname for himself. Unfortunately, Uros "The Much Sexy Man Who Shooting a Basketballs" Slokar hasn't really stuck.
#9 Pape Sow- After basketball, Pape plans to start his own brand of papecorn, Pape tarts, and lollipapes.
#1 P.J. Tucker- Several weeks ago, P.J. relieved himself in the showers and was suspended for conduct detrimental to the team.
Those are your Toronto Raptors. Game Thread tomorrow. Peace.