(AP Photo/Rick Havner)
That's right, bitches. When the Knicks go down in flames, we do it in style. For those of you who missed this intense-ass game, New York won on an Eddy Curry tip-in with .6 seconds remaining in Charlotte. The Knicks finish the season 33-49. You know what that means...They can't say we're a 50 loss team! Haha! (I'm a little delirious right now...some combination of the buzzer-beater win, the failure of the Knicks, and the fact that the season is now over.) Anyway, here are my final Knicks game notes for 06-07:
- Early on, Steve Francis went to chest bump Jerome James, and instead got smacked in the face by one of Jerome's voluptuous breasts. Steve winced something mean and grabbed his face like he'd just been bitch-slapped. This actually happened.
- I cannot believe The Dark Lord is in talks to coach the Bobcats next year. It makes my head hurt. I don't wanna talk about it.
- Interesting and horrifying story about Walter Herrmann that I never knew: In July of '03, while Herrmann was playing for Argentina (or in Spain...I don't remember which), he got a call that his mother, fiancée, and sister had all died in a car accident. His father died of a heart attack exactly one year later. Breen said that Walter has used basketball and support from his friends and countrymen to try to overcome all of those losses. That's just...wow. Walter Herrmann deserves your respect.
- Remember Dell Curry? That guy who was on the Hornets and looked like he was 50? Well, he's an announcer for the Bobcats now. He's a Virginia Tech alum, by the way.
- Tonight's Boomer Esiason Show features Chipper Jones and Gail Goodrich. To recap...guys called Boomer, Chipper, and Gail will all be in the same room this evening.
- For all the shit I give Mardy Collins, the kid can straight-up move around the basket. He put the Bobcats big men in the spin cycle a few times on drives to the hole.
- In the second quarter, Nate Robinson hurt his hand going for a loose ball, and immediately popped up and showed the ref where it hurt. No word on whether Tony Brothers kissed it to make it better.
- Jared Jeffries dislocated one of his fingers at the end of the first half. I can't tell you whether or not he returned because I don't remember.
- I'm not a big fan of the Geico commercials with the cavemen or with the gecko, but the ones with this little kid who's a racecar driver are hilarious in a creepy sorta way.
- Mardy Collins leads the league in minutes in the month of April. In case you think that means something, Tarence Kinsey is also in the top five.
- Humpty was seen on the sideline, exchanging high fives with some little kids sitting courtside. Barnesgasm wondered if perhaps Renaldo was transmitting his stomach virus to them? Whatever. I really just wanted a final opportunity to use this photo...
Whoever took this deserves a Nobel Prize.
- Just call me Sethradamus: Ryan Hollins checked in in the third quarter, and I'm like "Yo, this kid is gonna do something unusual. I should keep track of what he does on every possession." So I did. Sure enough, he had 3 personal fouls and a goaltending violation in ONE minute of playing time. I'm like a crazy genius.
- You know in war movies when the horses get shot and fall down? I've always hated those scenes. It's really awkward and uncomfortable to watch because the horse's shitty legs don't look like they can support that huge, falling body. Anyway, I get that same feeling every time Eddy Curry hits the deck.
- Curry picked up an offensive foul in the fourth quarter for rocking Derek Anderson in the face with the basketball. Is that actually in the rule book? As far as I know- to modify a Rasheed Wallace line-"Ball Don't Foul."
- I would put money on the fact that the people who wrote that movie about the guy who saves the world because he can tell the future and say semi-badass one-liners had a casting list that began and ended with Nicolas Cage. Like...a character that predicts the future and whispers douchey catchphrases was made for Nicolas Cage.
- OK. See, Malik Rose was so painfully horrible last year that I've sorta refused to acknowledge that he's been very solid this season. So here I go: Malik's defense, sneaky jersey-pulling, passing, and ability to hit the jumper have actually helped the Knicks this year. So there. Anyway, Malik had the game of his life, dropping 10 points, 15 rebounds, and 9 assists. As Barnes noted, one more assist might very well have triggered the apocalypse. Jason Kidd ain't got nothin' on Malik.
- At one point in the fourth quarter, Jeff McInnis got Steve Francis to bite on a shot-fake, and it looked like Steve fouled him...only there was no call. Replay showed, however, that Francis jumped up over McInnis, but managed to contort his body in such a way that he only brushed him minimally on the way down. Black Hole or not, that was some athletic shit.
- Emeka Okafor's eyebrows are large and captivating. I want to write an essay about them.
- Twice in the fourth quarter, Nate Robinson and Steve Francis engaged in some sort of secret handshake that involved them interlocking pinkies and swinging their arms back and forth. I've got nothing against choreographed handshakes but, like, you had the whole season to design it...and you end up looking like 8 year-old girls? I expect better.
- Gerald Wallace's shoulder pads look like they were made from egg cartons and cardboard.
- Something tells me that Matt Carroll likes to stand in front of a mirror naked and recite lines from "Boogie Nights." I think I just made myself sick.
"I'm a big, bright, shining star."
- The Bobcats got shafted by a non-call with about 40 seconds left in the game. Bernie Bickerstaff, who is usually sorta jolly but was coaching in his last game with the Bobcats, was fucking snarling out there like he was gonna choke somebody.
- I already said it, but the Knicks won on a Curry tip-in of a Malik Rose miss. I was way too excited for the last game of a losing season. It hasn't really hit me yet that I won't see the Knicks play again for 6 months. It will eventually...and I'm not gonna take it well. If I call one of you tonight saying I "just want to talk", you'll know what's up.