Meet the T-Wolves!

#30 Mark Blount- Mark looks perpetually sleep-deprived because he suffers from a prolonged addiction to late-night infomercials.

#31 Ricky Davis- Though Ricky enjoys the game of basketball, he will admit that he's in the NBA mostly for the cool accessories.

#4 Randy Foye- Randy is almost totally blind during the day, but has excellent night vision. This allows him to swoop from above and catch even the tiniest of prey in the dark hours.

#21 Kevin Garnett- Fed up with the Minnesota organization, Kevin is putting serious consideration into starting his own franchise. He will be the owner, GM, head coach, and star player of the St. Paul Kevin Garnetts.

#23 Trenton Hassell- Trenton raises all of his children to be lockdown defenders. A thief once tried to rob the Hassell household and found himself triple-teamed and stripped of his gun.

#16 Troy Hudson- After basketball, Troy plans to market his own brand of hair ties.

#13 Mike James- One day in 2001, Jerome James went to Arby's and ate for about 4 hours straight. He then returned home and unleashed the single greatest shit in the history of mankind. As is Jerome's custom, he gave his product a name. On this particular occasion, it was "Mike". Mike the shit was so large that it could actually speak, walk on its own, and, as Jerome would later discover, play basketball.

#55 Marko Jaric- Marko isn't always drunk on the court...just most of the time.

#35 Mark Madsen- A scientific study revealed that Mark actually keeps the bench about 4 degrees warmer than most benchwarmers, probably due to his constant movement.

#1 Rashad McCants- Rashad moves from room to room by morphing into a thick, silvery liquid and sliding beneath doorways.

#9 Justin Reed- In the offseason, Justin equips some of his teammates with crossbows and takes them bison hunting in Canada.

#5 Craig Smith- Craig usually accompanies Justin Reed on his hunting trips, but foregoes the crossbow and instead opts to crush the bison with his bare hands.

#6 Bracey Wright- During months of sitting on the bench, Bracey has developed the power of telekinesis. He plans to sharpen his abilities over the summer and break into the starting lineup next year by spraining Mike James' ankle with his mind.

Those are your Timberwolves! Game thread coming later. Peace.