Apropos of nothing, but fuck it. I had a near death experience today.
Today, I was leaving my hotel lobby to head up to my dorm room for the first day of our school year, and as I stepped out the elevator, I saw a short, snivelling man. White. Jewy. Glasses, grey hair, cloven hooves for feet. The stench of sulphur was strong. You know the man, we all know him.
It took him about half a second to maneuver around me into the elevator, but I wasn't sure it was him for a few seconds either. When I realized it was who I thought I was, I wanted to turn to him, point to my Knicks roster shirt which I was wearing and am wearing right now,, and say "HEY! YOU SNIVELLING RAT BASTARD, SEE THIS SHIRT? THIS IS YOUR FAULT! STEVE FRANCIS BECAME ZACH RANDOLPH, AND THAT'S WHY WE HAD THE SAME FUCKING RECORD THIS YEAR AS WE DID WHEN YOU WERE THE COACH, YOU FUCKING EGOMANIACAL GREEDY BASTARD!" and walk away, but I knew that is what he wanted me to do. I tried to stare into his little beady eyes, but he simply walked right past. It was a foolish decision on my part, for if we had locked eyes, goodness knows I would have died immediately. I consider myself very lucky to be here right now.
Anyway, I went on with my day, but I am sure this was an awful omen for the year ahead. Not sure what he was doing here in Chicago, being the head coach of the Bobcats and all, but what matters is that I'm safe and alive.