NBA Necessity

Every good team, let alone great team, has a leader; plain and simple. Look through history and every NBA Finals winner has a clearly defined leader, not necessarily in the tangible hockey sense, though some teams in the NBA have made their leader a cute little "C" (which I assume stands for "contrived"). It is not always an organized process (in fact, I'm of the belief that it should NOT be organized), but it is a necessary one; the definition of a team leader, in one sense or another.


Let's rap!


The past few years, the Knicks have had some dogshit "Captain" types: Stephon Marbury, a "Bench presence" in the form of Malik ass Rose, Steve Francis, etc. You get the picture. But in today's NBA landscape particularly, you cannot get by with a team of fuck-job noncompetitors. Let's review:


Los Angeles Lakers - Kobe Bryant

(which actually brings me to my first amendment: A great coach can act as a leader, so long as there is a player who acts as a supplementary leader. This shit will all make sense. I'm not talking about a good, flavor-of-the week motherfuckers, which precludes anyone named "Brown" from getting that title, I'm talking about genuinely great coaches; Popovich, Jackson, Riley, Van Gundy. In the instance where both a great coach and a player-leader are involved, you have a chance for a transcendent team (read: 90's Bulls, Bad Boy Pistons, Early 00's Lakers, Late 90's-2008 Spurs, Faggot 60's Celtics, Showtime Lakers).


Boston Celtics - Kevin Garnett (is a bitch).

Orlando Magic - Stan Van Gundy (no matter how much you hate him).

San Antonio Spurs - Tim Duncan/Greg Popovich.


And here's what brings me to my REAL question; who is the leader of the Knicks? Even decent teams have floor leaders, such as the Blazers in Brandon Roy, or the SuperSonics in Kevin Durant.

Let's take a look at what's preventing us from having a real leader.

1. Almost every player on the Knicks is, to some capacity, a goofy bitch.

     I mean, let's just think about this for a second. Gallo is still too young to contend for a floor general position, and he's the only non-silly bitch we have on our team. David Lee makes silly faces when he dunks, plus he gets blocked on about 1/8th his shots, plus I play better defense than he does. Wilson Chandler is a silly bitch because he still thinks he should shoot threes and he gets to the line about once a year. Al Harrington is a silly mouthpiece bitch, drawing fouls and firing up the team as much as he can, but he's not exactly "intelligent" in the common sense, and I think he might actually be allergic to passing. Chris Duhon hasn't taken a three-point in over a year that hasn't been from half-court (albeit he makes some), plus he shoots about 11% in the immediate basket area; all signs of a silly bitch!

2. Most players are gone after this year.

     I mean, Jeffries is gone, Hughes is gone, Nate is gone (face it), Lee is probably gone, Duhon is probably gone. The list goes on and on. For this reason, I think it would be a little silly on MY part to prevent these guys from being eligible for the "Knicks Leader" position, which is akin to "Best post-2000 Eddie Murphy Movie."

3. Most of the Knicks don't play defese. At all.

     I mean, some of them play a FORM of defense: Larry Hughes steals the ball, Chris Duhon tries sometimes, Wilson Chandler pretends to guard the best wing player on their team, David Lee looks like he's doing a hell of a job on-the-ball when he's guarding the post (but this is just because every other player is so much bigger than he is that it looks like he's a workhorse). Al Harrington tries pretty hard, but he's not actually very good laterally and can't hang with most wing players. He shows up successfully on defense about one in every five games.

The only true motherfuckers who play defense on the Knicks are: Jared Jeffries, Danilo Gallinari and Toney Douglas. That's the list.


Those of you who saw last nights game know what's about to be written. You may not like it, you may not understand it fully, you may not believe it. But it's fucking true and you have to deal with it.

Jared Scott Carter Jeffries is the leader of the New York Knicks.

Yes, our season is fucked. Yes, the world has been turned inside-out. No, I don't like this. Yes, this is the first time in NBA history that a franchise is going to have to swindle another team to pawn off the team leader at the trade deadline. But he's all we have. Guys, give me your thoughts on this. We should all be here for each other in support, akin  to AA.

Jared, with great power comes great responsibility. Take us to the promised land.

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