grow doodie out of your head.  grow an overbite.  get a girlfriend with a sevenhead.  try to be funny and fail miserably because you lack stage presence.  that's a good start. 

then do this:

man, i tried to do this good, but the guy just doesn't inspire anything interesting.  it was gonna be a guide on how to be superiorly weak.  

but listen just trust me, chris bosh is about half of what he's cracked up to be.  you might think you want him to bolt toronto and come play for new york, but you really don't.  this guy needs a small town market, he would fold under the pressure.  he's a chump.  if he was the guy we signed after we signed lebron, or wade or somebody that is an actual MVP candidate, he would come in handy.  But that's all you get out of a great role player, starter type player.  david lee would have outperformed dwight howard in the olympics too.  don't get caught up in a guy having a great run while playing on the best team you have seen, possibly ever.  you know who bosh reminds me of, not stylistically, but what he provides a team:  carlos boozer.  you suckers ain't lining up clamoring for that mope.  but if boozer outperformed howard and bosh instead of playing 3 minutes a game for the usa team.  you'd be jocking that fool too??  get off barsh's nuts.  he's not what you think he is.  he's second rate.