Since everybody was all smiles at the press conference after the Francis trade (either one, actually).

and came over here to vent about how confusing it was, see you beat me to it.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

I have more questions, but i would like to first point out that the lizard’s donut is clearly lizard-sized.

howeva:
how does the lizard go from being in jail to driving so quickly?
who calls 911 after seeing a reptile?
is it really a wise idea to imprison a reptile in a jail cell whose bars are further apart then the width of most reptiles?
why the fuck did they need david lee to do this? couldn’t they have gotten a normal actor/made him do a more basketball-oriented role, or at least acknowledge that he is a basketball player?

either way, this is right up there with patrick chewing in the category of “knicks related youtube videos that i will watch probably like 100 times”

that nate robinson dreamt this entire segment, wrote it down on a napkin by his bed, and successfully pitched it to tv execs by dunking over their copies of the script.

also, al harrington, known primarily for looking like a ninja turtle and drawing a lot of technical fouls, appropriately provided the voice for the “touchy lizard.”

It is shown out of actual chronological sequence.
Let me try to put it in order:

First: David (Officer?) Lee and his partner (who drives the police cruiser) were in a doughnut shop. “That Touchy Reptile” was also in the shop, plotting to steal a doughnut because, let’s face it, he doesn’t have any money.

Second: Officer Lee’s Partner decides “I have to go to the bathroom,” and does (Think “I’m going to take a shit: To be continued” from Pulp Fiction).

Third: Officer Lee reaches over the counter and grabs some money out of the drawer. It is at this point the audience realizes that Officer Lee is corrupt as hell.

Fourth: Officer Lee’s partner is taking too long in the bathroom and Lee doesn’t want to stick around the shop for too long because he just robbed them blind. So Lee goes to sit in the passenger seat and wait while he eats his doughnut.

Fifth: “That Touchy Reptile” runs out of the store, having just stolen a doughnut, and looks for an easy way to get away from the owner, who is on his tail (PUN LOL!). He sees the cruiser and jumps in the driver seat

Sixth: Lee begins to protest the very idea of a reptile, let alone a touchy reptile sitting in a car with him in the passenger seat. But then he sees the owner of the doughnut shop running toward the car, so he yells “Step On It!!!”

Seventh: The “Slow Down.” “Oh, what, you don’t like my driving?” conversation occurs.

Eighth: “That Touchy Reptile” finds a suitable spot to pull over to enjoy his fucking doughnut. He and Officer Lee get out and eat their respective doughnuts. Lee then counts his money.

Ninth: That bitch from the beginning of the video is walking by and sees the reptile and bugs out. The reptile is afraid that the woman recognized him and flees.

Tenth: The woman looks at Officer Lee expectantly, hoping he’ll run after the reptile. In order not to draw attention to his corrupt ass, he begins to chase down the reptile. He eventually catches up to him in an alley.

Eleventh: The reptile says “I know what you did back at the coffee shop! You’d better make sure I don’t wind up behind bars or your ass is grass!” (direct quote)

Twelfth: Officer Lee returns to the woman and gives the interview. He’s so fucking dubious because he’s covering for the reptile so it won’t get caught, so HE won’t get caught.

Thirteenth: The reptile gets caught later because the doughnut shop owner, who we find out is female, sees the reptile walking and calls the REAL police on him/her. The reptile gets thrown in jail and, rather than using his/her phone call, asks to speak to “The 6’9” Officer who is adept at retrieving offensive rebounds." Lee answers the call.

Fourteenth: The conversation in the Jail takes place: “I’ll get to the bottom of this, little guy!” Officer Lee is just trying to cover his corrupt ass. The reptile says “She hurt my feelings!” about the doughnut shop owner because the owner referred to him as a “No-good scumbag.”

Officer Lee is currently trying to clear “That Touchy Reptile”s name in effort to prevent him/her from ratting him out.

Since they’re both thieves, it explains the tagline: “One Touchy Reptile…One dubious policeman. So different, yet so the same.”

Man, Tarantino is a genius.

about the dubious way they are using the word dubious.