Live from the United Center: Chicago 110, New York 103

Editor's Note: Our very own "latrell chokewell" was in Chicago last night, and was kind enough to recap the enthralling Knicks-Bulls match-up. What follows is his hard-hitting work.

This is Mike D'Antoni. Mike is the coach of the New York Knicks. I saw him coach at the United Center. I am now calling for his head (or am I?). 

Read on to find out what the hell I'm talking about, why I think the Knicks lost, and who the most talented members of the Bulls really are. 

Hello everyone, my internet alias is latrell chokewell. You may remember me from such fanposts as "A Night at the Izod" and, um, nothing else. Let's get crackin'. All bullet points here, guys:

Random Notes:

- United Center is a sweet place to go see a game. It's not the Garden, but if you ever get the chance, make a point of going there. Great entertainment, a good enough concourse, and pre-game pyrotechnics - what else could a fan want? 

- Mike Breen has excellent posture. No, seriously. I was about 20 rows away from him and was thoroughly impressed. Dude sits straighter than the arrows which Rambo shot at the Burmese. 

- The "Go Green" initiative is in full effect for the NBA, so the players repped Mother Nature with raggedy t-shirts adorned with a green basketball. I bet all of these t-shirts are getting shipped to some foreign country soon for NBA Cares. If this was Vegas, I'd put my money on Bangladesh at 20:1. 

- As far as I know, Sims and Crawford didn't get minutes. Then again, I missed half of the second quarter dropping $14 on a hot dog, a pretzel, and soda. My concessions were probably worth more than their 10-day contracts. Sims is always the first guy to give the players dap during timeouts, though; that has to count for something!

- The United Center paid tribute to Michael Jordan and Jerry Sloan during first-quarter timeouts. All of the Knick benchwarmers were mesmerized by the Jordan video montage. The Sloan one, not so much - only Duhon watched it. I think he wants a trade to the Jazz. Between this and his lame episode of Duke Cribs, I think he's a closet Mormon.

The game:

- D'Antoni starts Jeffries against Rose. Is it a bad thing that Duhon can't guard any of the other 29 starting point guards in the league? Or is it worse that Jeffries even gets minutes? I can't decide. 

- Let's talk D-Rose right now. Rose (not Josh Smith, Mr. Tripucka) is the superhero who doesn't know his super-powers yet. His handle is impeccable, his hops top-notch, his passes ambitious and sometimes brilliant. He still needs confidence in his jumper and decisiveness with his penetration. Other than that, all he needs is two more years and I think he's gonna be a star. Rose also needs a real nickname, because "Poohdini" sucks. I propose "The Knife." Descriptive and funny!

- Chandler and Harrington were both unstoppable. A comment about Chandler from the stands: "Do they still have Allan Houston?" High praise. It would be nice if Chandler could develop half of the jumper that Houston had. He showed flashes today, and I bet Clyde called him a precocious neophyte at least once for his remarkable shooting. 

What The Intro Was About:

- Too bad D'Antoni took both of these guys out at the worst possible times. In particular, why did these guys get pulled when we were up 7 in the 4th? Why didn't they come back until we were down 4? This game was very winnable if our best lineup was in the mix for crunch time. 

Now, this may not be a bad thing. There are two reasons for this. Option A, D'Antoni is a moron, and I want his head on the chopping block of scapegoat-ism for this game. Option B, D'Antoni is a genius and managed to tank while pretending to put up a fight. In the case of option B, I'm still calling for Mike's head - to be enshrined in bronze and placed outside of MSG for being my hero.

Back to The Game:

- Actually, my new hero is Hinrich. A white guard with ridiculous handles and a smooth jumpshot. He's basically how I always envisioned myself in the NBA. Captain Kirk crossed and tossed his way through the entire Knicks' D tonight. My anti-hero is Q-Rich, since he just plays like an old dude at the Y and posts up smaller guys. 

- If David Lee is "Shallow Water," then Joakim Noah is "Fish Out of Water." Del Negro subbed in Noah for D in the last minute; wailing and gnashing of teeth was heard all throughout Chicago. No one wants to see this guy flail about. If you're wondering, Jared Jeffries is "Can't Swim in Water" or possibly "Allergic to Water."

- As for the other Knicks, I think Roberto the homosexual halftime juggler had more of an impact on the game than Nate Robinson or Larry Hughes. When do we get Gallo back?

- I know you're curious (possibly bi-curious, I saw the comments in the game thread...) about Roberto. He's a juggler (strike 1) who did a Village People routine (strike 2) on a 12-foot tall unicycle (strike 3). It's not libel if it's true, right?

- To offset that last bullet point, I can personally confirm that the Bulls cheerleaders (the Luvabulls) are ridiculously hot. Can we trade the Knicks City Dancers and Tim Thomas for them? Wait, we already traded Tim Thomas. Damn. By the way, no sign of Timmy tonight. Family issues or some other such excuse to go devour human flesh in the night. But I digress.

Game Summary:

Chandler and Harrington dominate with dunks and threes galore, the Knick defense does not extend to the three-point line, Rose and Hinrich cross everybody, Tyrus Thomas gets away with a ton of BS (obvious goaltending + a late no-call on a total hack). The Bulls win and inch closer to locking up a playoff spot, the Knicks get more of these:

Oh, and everyone at the United Center gets a coupon for a free Big Mac since the Bulls won and scored over 100. At least I can drown my sorrows in a juicy pre-processed burger. 

I just want Gallo back...