Thursdays with Thelonious: Slow Jammin' Wilson's Stats

Evening, beatniks.  For today's installment of story time with Uncle Thelonious, we're going to take an extremely explicit and silky peek at the stats of our New York Knicks' very own smooth operator, Wilson Chandler.  So slip into something comfortable, turn the lights down real low, light a few candles, and get ready to take a statistics-fuelled trip to Wilson Chandler's Pleasuretown, population: you.

Sade - Smooth operator (via gferdinandus2)

Take the jump!


One of the interesting side effects of the wacky rise in trade scenarios around these parts - whether they be for Carmelo Anthony, Andre Iguodala, The Hamburglar, or all three - is that Wilson is almost always lumped together in the package that gets sent out of New York.  Some are for this, if only to net us a player with a bit more gravitas; and some are against it because Chandler is in the midst of what seems to be his breakout season.  Regardless of the argument, we can all agree that Wilson is one smooth-ass motherfucker, and that's all the reasoning I need to plunge into the depths of his statistical underbelly to see what exactly, is so seductive about Wil this season. 

-Maybe the most impressive part of Wil's game this year is his fully erect three pointer.  He's up to shooting 37% from downtown downstairs, not exactly bedroom shaking but certainly sexier than the 26% from last year.  Our man has already connected with more three point eruptions this season, nailing 55 of the buggers compared to only 40 in all 64 games he played in last year.  Here's to hoping Wil continues to stay oh-so wet from beyond the arc.

-Oh, and he's also knocking down 1.9 threeballs per game, just about twice his career average of exactly 1.0.  Everyone loves twins.

-In 29 games played in so far, Chandler's sitting on 47 fine-ass blocks, only two shy of his total from '09-'10.  "Block" rhymes with "Cock," which, in addition to obviously being Danilo Gallinari's nickname, is overtly sexual.  Purrr.

-A great indicator that Wilson's making his game incredibly and exquisitely supple, perky, and well-rounded is his rebounds per game rate of 6.2, up a full board from his career average of 5.2.  His total rebound percentage, currently 10.5%, is also fully turgid, the best he's put up since his rookie year. 

-17.3.  That happens to be Wil's PPG this season, the highest of his career. (Last season was his previous high, with 15.3.) It also happens to be the number of ladies that are impregnated every time Chandler does something Wilson-y on the court.  

-Turnover percentage is down from 10.4 last season to 8.2 in 2010.  Also, his middle name is "Jamall."  Nothing's sexier than the unnecessary extra letter, just ask Mr. Poope-n'-Scoope Shawne Williamse. 

 -Don't forget that Wilson's mouth is so dirrrty that it put David Lee's career in jeopardy, as well as causing every eligible woman in the country to swoon with delight.  Women love the bacteria.





That's all for this week, gangbangers.  Have a smooth and delightful holiday season, and I hope you all asked Santa for a Knicks win in your stocking.

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