Knicks 117, Warriors 128: "We are making the Warriors look like the Showtime Lakers."

You got that right, Rohpuri!

David Lee is now 180 triple-doubles shy of Oscar Robertson’s all-time record. Lee, who recorded his first career triple-double with an astonishing 37-20-10, tied his career high in points and set his career high in assists. Other than this preposterous feat, the only silver lining to this near-Francis debacle was Bill Walker getting silly at the beginning of the second half (scoring 11 points in about three minutes). I took notes, let’s see if they’re intelligible.

- Clyde’s suit was a preposterous beige-stripe deal with a brown shirt and 70’s brown-swirl tie. Well done, Clyde.

- The Knicks won the opening tip!

- It was announced at the beginning of the game that Al Harrington would be out for the Knicks and Monta Ellis would be missing for the Warriors, cutting the game’s ball-hog rating from a 1,000 to a 12. Unfortunately, the number skyrocketed to 5,000 when Harrington actually stepped onto the court in a display of impressive horribility (just made that word up). Al shot 3 of 12 against his former team (whose crowd booed the hell out of him every chance it got) for an astounding -25 in the plus/minus column. Jesus, Al.

- The Knicks jumped out to an early 10-2 lead. It was mostly cock-driven.

- Bill Russell started the game for the Warriors, inexplicably wearing a "Turiaf" jersey. He was spotted driving to the game in a silver DeLorean traveling at 88 miles per hour. He recorded 5 first-quarter blocks and a couple nasty dunks. He was seen leaving the building following the first quarter.

- Earl Barron didn’t get any minutes, although he is the only player in NBA history whose first and last names are both social positions from the Middle Ages that were allowed to own serfs.

- With left in the first quarter, David Lee registered his first career block.

- About halfway through the first half, there was a pause in play. It lasted approximately five minutes. Following the delay, the game clock was reset to and play continued until halftime.

- The Knicks had one of the more embarrassing second quarters in the history of basketball, going from 10 points up to 11 points down within the first four minutes. During this stint, they turned the ball over six consecutive trips down the court. Lovely.

- The Knicks finished the first half with a record 65 turnovers, 51 of which came in the second quarter.

- Tracy McGrady tweaked his knee and sat out the second half.

- Billy the Kid came out in the second half with his six-shooter loaded; 11 points in the first three minutes to prompt a Dubs time-out. He single-handedly cut the lead to six points.

- "Magnet" + "Percent" = "Magnifercent!" Thanks, Clyde!

- The Knicks did an excellent job closing out on arguably the best shooter in the NBA, Anthony Morrow. More accurately, they did the worst possible job closing out on arguably the best shooter in the NBA, Anthony Morrow, who dropped a silly 35 points off the bench. He scored in every possible way, including doggystyle and missionary.

- The Knicks cut the lead to two points a couple of times, but squandered it both times by turning the ball over and allowing Morrow to destroy them with runs. Not diarrhea, but consecutive points.

- Chris Duhon got minutes, particularly in the second half, and made the most of them (4-7 from three, 4 assists). Save for Goosedown, the entire bench shat the bed.

- Unsung hero of the game: Danilo Gallinari. Gallo registered a sleek 29-8-8 and looked noticeably more aggressive than he has of late. I see you, cock.

- I miss Wilson Chandler.

- 57% shooting for the Dubs. Absolutely dreadful.

- Don Nelson is now one win shy of tying Lenny Wilkens for most in a coaching career.

 

That’s about it for the game. When all was said and done, the Knicks turned the ball over a pathetic 23 times and the Knicks lost their eighth consecutive game at the Oracle. Other than that, the night belonged to David Lee, who recorded an absolutely unfair triple-double, the first T-D by a man in a Knicks uniform since I got one earlier today in 2-on-2 wearing a Ewing jersey. It was also the first T-D recorded by an actual Knicks player since Latrell Sprewell in February of 2003(!). Although it should be taken with a slight grain of salt due to it coming against an outrageously poor defensive team, it was still ridiculous to watch and will go down as one of the more impressive statistical games by anyone in the NBA this season. Congratulations, David. 

Thanks to everyone who commented, even though no one contributed to the halftime snack thread (save for ThisIsTraps, whose refrigerator was tragically empty). I hope you guys aren’t skipping meals; anorexia nervosa is a serious problem and I won’t stand by while my friends throw away their health for their image. 

We’ll get ‘em next time, bros. Later.

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