Knicks Clone Wars!
by Seth on Jul 26, 2010 4:53 PM EDT
in Miscellaneous
125 comments
Since I'm bored as a barnacle (really, barnacles just never have a good time. Look at this poor chap.), I might as well pull something off the "things to discuss in the middle of the summer" list. This particular topic actually stems from a few comments from last week. Here's what went down during a Summer League thread:
Can we clone Landry Fields so he can play both the wings this season?
by ThisIsTraps on Jul 16, 2010 5:41 PM EDT
lets be real for a sec
if the knicks had cloning technology, i’d be really pissed off if they used it on landry fields.
A fair point, Mr. Sherman. But if not Landry...then who!? Seriously, if you could clone one Knick and give him the 15th roster spot, who would you pick? I've come up with some ground rules:
1. I had some trouble with this, but let's assume that the clone is the same age as the original, and is in identical health. I think the apparatus we're using here is Calvin's duplicator, not real cloning, because wouldn't a true clone be a baby?
2. The duplicate player makes a minimum salary.
3. No, you cannot trade the duplicate. Punk.
4. The duplicate has the same personality and background as the original. (i.e. There is no ethicator.) This should be considered when imagining whether or not the clone gets along with the original and whether or not he meshes with the team and coaching staff.
5. The original and duplicate wouldn't be psychic or anything, but they'd presumably have an intuitive sense of each other's tendencies on the floor.
6. Even though this isn't really cloning, it's also not going down in a cardboard box. I've decided that the duplicate will be born via budding, which always upset me during middle school biology. So, like, that'll be super gross. Something to consider.
So, essentially, if you could double what one Knick brings to the court (and find room for him), who would it be? After the jump, a few names to consider:
Amar'e Stoudemire: He is the best player on the team, after all. That said, he doesn't bring much to the table defensively, and the duplicate would really demand minutes. This pair makes me want to change my minimum salary rule, because it'd get really awkward between the original and duplicate.
Toney Douglas: Do what the Toney Douglases do? That unit would force a steal on damn near every opponent possession. They'd also form a crime-fighting duo and finish one another's sentences to the point that it got a little irritating.
Wilson Chandler: Any point guard would love to run with two Chandlers in transition, but it'd be eerily silent on the court.
Danilo Gallinari: You can't have too many shooters. Nor can you have too much swagger. I'd probably start them at 2/3 or 3/4, I think. I also think the two Gallos would bicker a lot. Cockfighting, if you will.
Anthony Randolph: Double the potential, double the fun? This would be the high-flyingest, shot-blockingest, mind-warpingest of the pairs. The two Randolphs wouldn't speak to anybody but each other and could probably share a seat on the bench.
Ronny Turiaf: SO MUCH DANCING! The secret handshake between those two would be one of the most elaborately choreographed processes known to man.
Timofey Mozgov: I don't think he'll be anyone's choice, except for hilarity's sake. I just think that the Russians are the most likely to pull this off.
Bill Walker: Twice the Bullying, but lots of fouls.
Landry Fields: Since he started this whole tangent.
Thoughts? Questions? Additional rules or concerns? Maybe some actual basketball to watch? Share 'em in the comments.
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gotta go with gallo here
they could make the most preposterous cross court passes just to shoot from 35 feet. and of course, those sneaky passes would be flying all over the court… wilson chandler’s nose would never survive, but what can you do? two dicks.
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tera patrick would definitely agree...
two cocks are better than one. no homo (feel free to pause, even though i said no homo)
nah its cool
your comment licks it clean, no homo.
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I picked WillyChan
Not cause he’s as good as other Knicks(Gallo, Amare) because he’s the one defensive minded Knick.
TD? Turiaf? Randolph? Azubuike?
This aint 2009 anymore
Gallo
Double penetration baby!!!!!!!
DOUGDULA
by DougDula on Jul 26, 2010 5:21 PM EDT reply actions 5 recs
Gotta have Randolph
The creepy clone relationship would hopefully smooth over the non-existient character issues. plus, the idea of a 7’ 225 man budding from another 7’ 225 man has hilarious comedy show written all over it
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 5:22 PM EDT reply actions
don't get me wrong, I love matadors as much as the next guy,
but…ole!
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 5:23 PM EDT up reply actions
My first thought was Randolph, because perhaps if one clone didn’t reach his potential the other still might. Then I assumed it may not work like that.
Amar’e is a close call, at 4 and 5 that would be pretty snazzy. But two Gallo’s, if they can co-cock the walk, would space the floor something crazy with a versatile arsenal.
Ha
Looks like we took opposing paths, but I respect the two Gallos idea too.
If it does work like that though, and it should if it’s a true cloning concept, then two Randolphs just might be better for the reason you say, groomed for different uses.
My initial reaction was Gallo
And I would absolutely love a second Gallo, but the more I think about it a second Randolph would be great because not only does Randolph have a lot of potential, but he has a range of types that he can develop into. I say one of the clones we bulk up and get to play Center and the other we groom to play the 3/4 (to spell Amare and sometimes shift Gallo down to the 2). Could be pretty lethal.
My same thoughts... but with Gallo instead
that basically, one could add bulk to play the 4 spot while the other could stay on the slimmer side and man the 3 or maybe even the 2. lol
Mozgov.
Since he must break you, if there were 2 of him…it would be easier to break you.
Go New York Go!
first off
case in point: nobody has picked landry fields yet. i’m a genius.
secondly: i wouldn’t be surprised if anthony randolph clones himself without us asking or wanting him to.
why wouldn't we want him to?
that’s the kind of initiative i like to see the young’ns take
the answer is not listed
Walt “Clyde” Frazier.
i will gladly take two clydes calling a game. and i bet you he could win the 15th roster spot if he really wanted to. imagine clyde commenting on clyde, calling his own game!
by latrell chokewell on Jul 26, 2010 5:37 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
i would suggest THREE clydes
so they could call it in huey, dewey, and louie style, finishing each other’s sentences.
"Why does green mean that's the color green? Why can't you say another word for green being green? Know what i'm saying?" - Stephon
"Anyway, you should check out the movie "Black and White," which actually stars Allan Houston. It’s not a comedy, but rather a really serious and emotional movie." - Wilson Chandler
by ny knickerbocker on Jul 26, 2010 9:29 PM EDT up reply actions
+10000
"we believe in comebacks"
Jerry being Jerry
by Jadden Hopkins on Jul 27, 2010 7:00 PM EDT up reply actions
Throw them to the Gallos!
Two Cocks would dominate all comers (pause) constant motion from the arc to the post would have at least one cock in the hole every possession. So much swag it would need its own ringtone.
"Come and touch it, Dave"
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 5:44 PM EDT up reply actions
crossing swords is inevitable
Go New York Go!
by FreeBradshaw on Jul 26, 2010 6:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Eddy Curry
so the clone would eat the original one and we would only have to pay him the minimum
by kglash2211 on Jul 26, 2010 5:40 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Can we
Take a lil’ bit of Randolph, a lil’ bit of Gallo, and implant them somewhere on Eddy’s back? Then he can grow a super long, dynamic Cockdolph while sitting on the pine
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 5:42 PM EDT reply actions
I would do one of two things
Clone Amar’e = The insurance that we dont have for Amar’e. Just so in case he went down, wed still be in good positiong.
Clone Gallo = Bulk up one of them and have him play the PF and focus one entirely on quickness drills like Jeter did a couple of summer ago, and have him play the SF
Francis the Vogzoming Man
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 6:08 PM EDT up reply actions
Ydde Yrruc
just try pronouncing that!
by latrell chokewell on Jul 26, 2010 6:02 PM EDT up reply actions
do the knicks have a disproportionate number of players whose first names end in "y"?
this might warrant a new investigative post.
&
Amarey
Danilly
Billy
the only one that doesn’t is Chandler!
by latrell chokewell on Jul 26, 2010 6:07 PM EDT up reply actions
billy-danilly
i see a terrbible photoshop in someone’s future…
twitter.com/aighttho
http://aightthen.tumblr.com/
Mike D'Antoni
Ekim Inotna’D
Go New York Go!
by FreeBradshaw on Jul 26, 2010 6:08 PM EDT up reply actions
sounds like something from Harry Potter
"I am not now at all sure that the tendency to treat the whole thing as a kind of vast game is really good - certainly not for me who find that kind of thing only too fatally attractive." - J R R Tolkein
Sirhc Luap?
3PC?
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 6:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Woah woah woah
As great as he is, has he really earned a backwards name yet? I mean Eddy Curry may suck but at least he… I got nothing. If Eddy Curry can be Ydde Yrrud then he can be Sirhc Luap
After his injury last year, who knows?
I mean, is he worth a backwards name? When he’s healthy, he’s a top 5 backwards name guy in the ABN. Is he even leaving Wen Snaelro tho?
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 7:08 PM EDT up reply actions
Yrdnal Sdleif
"He's the straw that makes the drink go."
by Thelonious Dunk on Jul 26, 2010 6:11 PM EDT up reply actions
just when i thought al harrington was out
you pull him back in!
by latrell chokewell on Jul 26, 2010 6:13 PM EDT up reply actions
Why stop with players?
Why not clone some posters here for even more debate and such? Who has the best clone name? ;-)
DWTDD
C’monnn how can you deny the Douglii?
Donnie's bout to beat the NBA game like he got a cheat code
Tony X Do What Toney Douglas Y Do, Tony Y Do What Toney Douglas X Do – The Twosome that Do Some
Most importantly, college textbooks could then express the philosophical questions of determination vs free will, nature vs nurture, as such:
Do Toney Douglas Do As Toney Douglas Did or Do Toney Douglas Do As Toney Douglas Will Do, or is there just one state of Toney Douglas Doing as Toney Douglas can only Do?
by paxon on Jul 26, 2010 6:02 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
here's what would really happen in the textbook
if a Toney Douglas approaches from the east at 50 mph, and a Yenot Salguod approaches from the west at 65 mph, how long will it take to DWTDD?
by latrell chokewell on Jul 26, 2010 6:11 PM EDT up reply actions
Barnacle are not boring at all
They have the largest penis to body size ratio of the entire animal kingdom, they can always find some form of entertainment…
Also I would clone Amare, cause I think the New York sport goggles-makers need some sort of stimulus package.
resign marcus landry
so he can sport the wisconsin throwback specs.
http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/10/09/alg_marcuslandry.jpg
"Game Knows Game"
by Ray Smuckles on Jul 26, 2010 8:44 PM EDT up reply actions
How da you
Good’n’Plenty is delicious.
Well, it’s alright.
I mean it’s not awful.
…I don’t like candy.
It's all in the mix
Why settle for Good n Plenty when you can clone the whole roster = New York Twix?!
That would put them more than a 100 grand over the cap.
by paxon on Jul 26, 2010 10:46 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
We got the technology...why we being so stingy with it?
1st we use our starting 5 of – Felton, Gallo, Gallo, Amar’e & Amar’e – to build up big leads with the most devastating inside/out game ever seen, and a hyper-efficient shot selection consisting of 40% 3’s, 55% dunks, and 5% Ray Ray on the dribble drive laying it in and shouting “Ha, you forgot about Felton, Biatch!”
Then to protect our lead we go into lock down defense using – Randolph, Randolph, Randolph, Randolph & Randolph – who form an impenetrable arc 15 ft from the basket, and just need a single step and jump to swat 3 pointers at will.
Bring on Miami!
by Left Coast Cowboy on Jul 26, 2010 11:00 PM EDT reply actions 5 recs
This
made me literally laugh out loud. Well done LCC.
haha great!
Best part was “Ha, you forgot about Felton, Biatch!”
i feel like
with 2 randolphs, one will be a bust
If you dont think they're good players... you're twice as stupid!
Gallo X 2 is the move.
"Umm - it was - you know - umm - a good game. You know."-
Patrick Ewing (my Knick Hero)
by Ren Carlos on Jul 27, 2010 12:26 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Eddy Curry
we’d have double the future cap space provided he didn’t eat his clone.
unfortunately
it wouldn’t really work like that…a 2nd Curry would put us over the cap, and the actual amount of cap space we’d have next year would be the same. PLUS, more importantly, the rules say the clone would have a minimum salary anyway, so yea, no dice.
I pick DWTDD...
but its hard work doin wat Toney Douglas do, imagine trying to do wat Both Toney Douglases do, u would have to be double great like Dewey Cox
by blackhova on Jul 27, 2010 10:14 AM EDT via mobile reply actions
personally if i could do this as a choice...
get a time machine and clone prime starkskie and penny (you know the guy who sold ya the foamposite 1’s and scored 40 back to back against pat reilly penny not the old arthritic penny from phoenix). solved 2 guard problems and more show and thrills than miami and imagine how would wade feel after a head butt from fan fave john starks instead of just a random elbow from gallo
I was actually gonna say Starks even though it doesn’t count. He’s a great fit on any team, makes any team tougher. Was my favorite player along with Barkley.
no no no i meant the old kemp the one in seattle we travel in time nab him let him play
center as his contract at the time is essentially the league minimum lol
the clone would have a minimum salary?!
this game is SO unrealistic.
jk
Funny & Fun..
This was a very fun & funny article..think it should be tried with all the teams just to see what the outcome would be..so far Gallo OWNS the other Cloners.
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