Knicks Clone Wars!

Since I'm bored as a barnacle (really, barnacles just never have a good time. Look at this poor chap.), I might as well pull something off the "things to discuss in the middle of the summer" list. This particular topic actually stems from a few comments from last week. Here's what went down during a Summer League thread:

Can we clone Landry Fields so he can play both the wings this season?
by ThisIsTraps on Jul 16, 2010 5:41 PM EDT

 

lets be real for a sec

if the knicks had cloning technology, i’d be really pissed off if they used it on landry fields.

by Rodger Sherman on Jul 16, 2010 5:43 PM EDT

A fair point, Mr. Sherman. But if not Landry...then who!? Seriously, if you could clone one Knick and give him the 15th roster spot, who would you pick? I've come up with some ground rules:

1. I had some trouble with this, but let's assume that the clone is the same age as the original, and is in identical health. I think the apparatus we're using here is Calvin's duplicator, not real cloning, because wouldn't a true clone be a baby?

2. The duplicate player makes a minimum salary.

3. No, you cannot trade the duplicate. Punk.

4. The duplicate has the same personality and background as the original. (i.e. There is no ethicator.) This should be considered when imagining whether or not the clone gets along with the original and whether or not he meshes with the team and coaching staff.

5. The original and duplicate wouldn't be psychic or anything, but they'd presumably have an intuitive sense of each other's tendencies on the floor.

6. Even though this isn't really cloning, it's also not going down in a cardboard box. I've decided that the duplicate will be born via budding, which always upset me during middle school biology. So, like, that'll be super gross. Something to consider.

So, essentially, if you could double what one Knick brings to the court (and find room for him), who would it be? After the jump, a few names to consider:

Amar'e Stoudemire: He is the best player on the team, after all. That said, he doesn't bring much to the table defensively, and the duplicate would really demand minutes. This pair makes me want to change my minimum salary rule, because it'd get really awkward between the original and duplicate.

Toney Douglas: Do what the Toney Douglases do? That unit would force a steal on damn near every opponent possession. They'd also form a crime-fighting duo and finish one another's sentences to the point that it got a little irritating.

Wilson Chandler: Any point guard would love to run with two Chandlers in transition, but it'd be eerily silent on the court.

Danilo Gallinari: You can't have too many shooters. Nor can you have too much swagger. I'd probably start them at 2/3 or 3/4, I think. I also think the two Gallos would bicker a lot. Cockfighting, if you will.

Anthony Randolph: Double the potential, double the fun? This would be the high-flyingest, shot-blockingest, mind-warpingest of the pairs. The two Randolphs wouldn't speak to anybody but each other and could probably share a seat on the bench.

Ronny Turiaf: SO MUCH DANCING! The secret handshake between those two would be one of the most elaborately choreographed processes known to man.

Timofey Mozgov: I don't think he'll be anyone's choice, except for hilarity's sake. I just think that the Russians are the most likely to pull this off.

Bill Walker: Twice the Bullying, but lots of fouls.

Landry Fields: Since he started this whole tangent.

Thoughts? Questions? Additional rules or concerns? Maybe some actual basketball to watch? Share 'em in the comments.

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