Lets Play A Game Called : Who Would You Punch! NBA Edition.

by MikeTheIntern on Jul 3, 2010 12:36 AM EDT

Times are rough people, everyone is so caught up in what is arguably the biggest free agency since 1996. Posting and Toasting has become a ghost town over the past week. It has an eerie feeling of depression and is no longer the P&T I've come to love so dearly. In order to rid this place of all the horrid sadness it has attracted, I wanted to come up with a fun game of "Who Would You Punch!" When watching basketball games some players rub me the wrong way, sometimes i wonder how fulfilling it would be to lay one of them out with a clean right to the temple. There are also times when i'm watching sportscenter and I have sudden urges to deck one of the analyst and even some reporters. Here is my list of unlucky schmucks that I would enjoy spontaneously attacking if we ever meet face to face. You'll notice I didnt choose the most likely fellows to punch because I wanted to be unique in a sense. You guys cant fight it out in the comments, I'll be hoping to hear who you would like to knock out if you could!

Player...

Sundiata Gaines, Utah Jazz

Anyone remember this spectacle? I do. Sundiata Gaines was scouted from the D-League and brought into the NBA to the Utah Jazz. On his first game in the NBA he hit a game winning buzzer beater at home against the Cleveland Cavaliers. After wards he jump and hollered as the confetti fell as if they just won game 7 in the finals. Something about him jumping atop a table, tugging his jersey, screaming into the crowd and acting out as if he was a superstar rubbed me the wrong way. This guy went to finish the season averaging 3.3ppg. If I could soccer kick him in the throat I would. Here are a few players that came close to being in his place : Rajon Rondo, Jerryd Bayless, Greg Oden.

Coach...

Gregg Popovich, San Antonio Spurs

Gregg Popabitch... What can I say about the guy? I really dont have any severe hate towards him, besides the fact that everything about his team bores me to death. There's just something about him that yells, "Knock me the hell out" I want to Gregg, I want to. This crater face old fart deserves to be humiliated just because he looks like the tall man from Phantasm. Scary... Here are a few coaches that came close to taking his place : Stan Van Gundy, Mike Woodson, Larry Brown.

Commentator...

Reggie Miller, TNT

Oh golly where do I begin!? There is so many reasons to hate this rock chewing A-hole. I'm still not convinced that his horse mouth sister isn't in fact Reggie himself. I seriously put my television on mute whenever he commentates the game and even then i can still hear him yelling for no apparent reason. "WELCOME TO YOUR KODAK MOMENT!" "YOU'VE JUST BEEN POSTERIZED!" Over and over and over again. My hate for him does not come from me being a Knick fan. It comes from those vampire eyes, his loud chaotic voice and for some reason he feels the need to constantly humiliate Charles Barkley because of his weight on live TV. Is that really necessary? We all know Barkley is heavy but do you really need to basically call him a fat ass and cause weird moments of silence on the set? Please get rid of this snake TNT. I'd love to crush his nose with a few knees, anyone with me? Here are some who almost took his place : Mark Jackson, Kenny Smith, Doug Collins.

Analyst...

Chris Broussard, ESPN, NBA TV

I know I said I was gonna be unique and not choose any obvious choices but this jackass cant be overlooked. What a retarded piece of shit this guy is. He s the most sorry excuse for an "expert" that I have ever seen. He changes his mind like the weather and none of his reports have any sense or logic put into them. He basically bandwagons the media's take on whatever is going on. He never has a real opinion of his own and spurts out the most ridiculous things. Do I hate him slightly more because he is anti-new york? Yes, but that being said he is still ridiculous in every aspect that is supposed to make him an "expert". Not to mention his teeth, holy hell. How bout me and you play a nice game of jump rope Chris? Here are some that almost took his place : Ric Bucher, David Aldridge, Sekou Smith (Not an analyst but I hate that short fat F**k)

Reporter...

Shelly Smith, ESPN

God... Not this pig. This is one I just cant stand anymore. To be completely honest, I didn't have a problem with her until a couple of days ago when she referred to Knicks Coach Mike D'Antoni as Mike Dunleavy. I've always noticed that she was a spitting image of miss piggy but I never had anything against this boar until that comment. I know its a bit cliche to call chubby women miss piggy but hey, I call it like I see it. She showed she clearly knows nothing about basketball after failing to correct herself and she most likely just read off the teleprompter and expected it to be accurate. Can you blame her? I definitely can and I wont let her off the hook for it. Mike Dunleavy... Someone throw some dry rub on this hog and slow cook her for a few hours. I can use a tender pulled pork sandwich right now. Here are some that almost took her place: Suzy Kolber, Rachel Nichols, Sal Paolantonio.

If you have any other category suggestions feel free to mention them. Kick ass my friends.

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in order

reggie
reggie
reggie
reggie
brousard
reggie
shelly
popabitch
reggie
reggie

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by stingy d on Jul 3, 2010 1:12 AM EDT reply actions 2 recs

To be honest, I couldn't punch a basketball player

because I would be too busy picking up all the rotted ESPNcisors I’ve just knocked out of every basketball analyst and source in the ESPNot house. Right before trekking to the NY Post and hanging Isola and Berman from their own extremely long ropes of stupidity. In between shaking the hands of Alan Hahn and Tommy Dee of course enroute to presenting Seth with his Award for best fansite on the net. At least Steven A. Smith had the cajones to put out a decent read this evening in my opinion.

And sorry to my fellow posters and toasters, but if I have to look at 1 more irrelevant stat, chart, +/-, “player X sucks,” betting on who goes where, etc and so forth, God protect the being, object, animal or plant-life within my reach – I’ma punch something. You can’t stat or bet the power of the human mind to make it’s own decisions, or the will to perform or underperform in a given system, the ability of players X to build chemistry or fit within the system together. It might be fun to some, but bores the hell outta me and can only hold so much water in the weight of the big picture. Garnett is a great example for years til Boston and a glut of talent that had hit it’s prime. Choose any number of HOF quality PG’s who never got a title.

And lastly, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it and not like it. Be carfeul who you scathe with hate, chances are you might be cheering for em next season. Of course there are exceptions to that rule as well when players like CBosh who feel entitled to be paid like the best player in basketball without having the benefit of having actually proven it. And one player playing the media darling and face of basketball is quite rediculous to me. The only way said person comes out of this squeaky clean whether he is here or not, is if the end result truly does promote equal compettition among teams – even if it is a chosen few, a healthy return to grudge match basketball that you actually want to watch, and not some self-serving superteam that only proves that greed outweighs the effort of having earned a trophy. I’d frankly like to see the Knicks, Nets, Cavs, and Miami come out with a little something (yeah, I didn’t forget the bulls, I gotta start my own grudge somewhere), the refs to put the kibosh on floppers and let the fellas bruise it up a little, and have a the Knicks FINALLY not clank that last shot off the rim.

So in closing, if I could punch any player, insert any flavor of the day diva that thinks they’re the man , that they’re bigger than the game, deserves the Oprah empire just because, thinks the game is all about themselves, forgets that our little hineys in the seats is why they can have the opportunity to make a fortune…and you can fill in the rest…

by screamedia on Jul 3, 2010 1:21 AM EDT reply actions 3 recs

Rec'd

This deserves a column on ESPN; but of course that would never happen given their terrible journalism and self-promotion as the preeminent source for sports information and analysis.

Donnie's bout to beat the NBA game like he got a cheat code

by Kupe on Jul 3, 2010 1:43 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

Wow! Rec'd forever!

by StarksMiddleFinger on Jul 3, 2010 2:35 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

my snotbox punchworthy list

1) Dave Checketts
2) Scott Layden
3) Isiah Thomas
4) Larry Brown
5) Stephon Marbury
6) Steve Francis
7) Eddie Curry

Why do i look at Popivich with a arm around a player talking with 2 minutes left, and get jealous?
by semsemma on Mar 10, 2010 8:00 PM PST

by Rohpuri on Jul 3, 2010 2:43 AM EDT reply actions

How about

we line them all up and let TD, well, DWTDD.

by JerzeeBalla on Jul 3, 2010 2:47 AM EDT up reply actions

Lol

We cant punch Curry, that contract is gonna finally pay off soon, he will do us good. lol

"As humans we strive for success but live with fear. If success was inevitable, fear cannot exist" Michael Kelley

by MikeTheIntern on Jul 3, 2010 2:48 AM EDT up reply actions

I'ma rec this just for having the tall amn and reggie on the same page

Neither is really physically imposing per se, but honestly, something about Reggie ….scares me. Even on the radio…he sounds like someone on a long, sttrange trip…

by screamedia on Jul 3, 2010 3:40 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Thats because

He is also Sheryl Miller! He transitions between both depending on how he’s feeling. Ive never seen both on screen at the same time. He’s a psychopathic cross dresser with a split personality.

"As humans we strive for success but live with fear. If success was inevitable, fear cannot exist" Michael Kelley

by MikeTheIntern on Jul 3, 2010 3:48 AM EDT up reply actions

Apart from signing HWSNBN,

The only thing I that would come close for me to achieve Knick fan nirvana this offseason is having a shot at punching Chris Broussard in his stupid smug face. This is why. He flat out REFUSES to acknowledge any type of benefit an athlete like Lebron could have playing in NYC. Fuck that dude. Actually, fuck Lebron if he really is “close friends” with that biased piece of shit.

The others I’d like to punch can be summed up in three words: Celtics front line. Never have I seen a more fake tough guy group than the trio of Perkins, KG, and Davis…I still remember when KG used to cry like a little bitch because he lost so much in Minny….those were the days. Ah man, don’t even get me started on the others: “Yo your name is BIG BABY? You gangsta, bro.”

1.) CHRIS BROUSSARD
2.) Perkins, KG, Davis

by $100M Contract on Jul 3, 2010 5:55 AM EDT reply actions

I think Perkins is actually pretty tough, he might hit back! The others wont though.

"As humans we strive for success but live with fear. If success was inevitable, fear cannot exist" Michael Kelley

by MikeTheIntern on Jul 3, 2010 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions

KG has been a BEAST throughout his Career!

KG deserves his ring, and probably this year’s as well.

Perkins is probably the strongest big man in the league… He out-muscled Dwight throughout the series… after out-muscling Shaq the series before… Perk is a defensive beast.

New York, New York!!!

by MrWilliams on Jul 3, 2010 6:24 PM EDT up reply actions

Im taking nothing away from KG's game here....

just this tough guy persona he tries to embody now I just dont get. Dude was sobbing in an interview because he was losing, tough it out little girl, get fuckin big if you really are that dude. You dont get tough just cus you won a chip. That’s in your DNA, just ask Oakley, Mason, Starks. Shit, Dennis Rodman was a crossdresser and he never ridiculed himself by hittin his head against padding or talking to himself like a lunatic on a nightly basis just to seem tough, and he was one of the baddest dudes in the L in his day…just sayin’ is all.

by $100M Contract on Jul 4, 2010 12:07 AM EDT up reply actions

Scott Layden

KEEP LEE!!!

by FreeBradshaw on Jul 3, 2010 7:20 AM EDT reply actions

mike breen

I’d lay him out for hating all exciting basketball and for looking like a Thundercat. also he is a ref, and i’m prone to punching any ref in any face at any time of the day.

also cheryl miller, i’d smack her silly

by teksurgical on Jul 3, 2010 8:46 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Lol

The only thing Breen is good for is breaking up Mark Jackson And Jeff Van Gundy when they have arguments during the damn games. They disagree about everything.

"As humans we strive for success but live with fear. If success was inevitable, fear cannot exist" Michael Kelley

by MikeTheIntern on Jul 3, 2010 12:20 PM EDT up reply actions

David Stern

I can’t stand the smugness.

by M. on Jul 3, 2010 12:40 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs

David Stern should be slapped by each rookie on draft day

Instead of getting a hand-shake. David Stern has been the worse thing for the NBA.

New York, New York!!!

by MrWilliams on Jul 3, 2010 6:26 PM EDT up reply actions

Probably gallo

so he would be more agressive…..consistently

by Jason Bee on Jul 3, 2010 9:25 PM EDT reply actions

That could work.

by JerzeeBalla on Jul 3, 2010 10:16 PM EDT up reply actions

It would be great if he could consistenly play near the lvl he was at going head to head with Melo at the Garden.

"As humans we strive for success but live with fear. If success was inevitable, fear cannot exist" Michael Kelley

by MikeTheIntern on Jul 3, 2010 10:46 PM EDT up reply actions

Ginobili

I want to rearrange his face!

Geaux Eaux's

by NawlinsOriole on Jul 3, 2010 9:50 PM EDT reply actions

Thats a really good one

His bald spot and that damn nose bandage pissed me off for some reason. lol

"As humans we strive for success but live with fear. If success was inevitable, fear cannot exist" Michael Kelley

by MikeTheIntern on Jul 3, 2010 10:44 PM EDT up reply actions

ben wallace. that douche left detroit for the money,

i loved what the pistons embodied on the court. i was so happy when they beat the lakers and proved that its not impossible to beat the unbeatable. he left and it seems that nothings been right since.

oh and id fucking love to punch larry brown. im convinced he played isiah and dolan. the dude just came here for the money. the way he got fired you could totally single him out for the behavior prior to the last days when he was a marked man.

by karamjitm9090 on Jul 3, 2010 11:06 PM EDT reply actions