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P&T Knicktion Submission #4: "The Mellow Man"

About a month ago, I opened a contest in which P&T friends could submit works of Knicktion to be read, judged, and voted upon by the P&T community. The submissions are in and will be posted daily (sometimes twice daily) for your pleasure. Voting and prizes and stuff will take place once all the entries have been posted. By request, I won't reveal the identities of our submitters until the end (or whenever the authors feel it is appropriate). Well, except for our first submission. Sorry, YuckFou.

A few notes on the pool of submissions as a whole: Some are long, some are short. Some are prose, some are poetry, some are floetry. All were acceptable. None of the submissions have been in any way edited by me (although I'll probably have to play with some formatting), but in some instances, I sent the submission back to its composer for a bit of proofreading. No matter what, please be respectful in the comments. But you knew that

Previously: "Twas The Night of the Big Game", "When Crazy Cocks Attack", "Summer Whine"

Take the jump for submission #4.

Star-divide

The Mellow Man

He thirsts for victory

A bath in shimmering purple Gatorade

Beloved by all

In the town he once knew as "home"

But what is home for a man who's been lost so long?

He braved chilly winters in the Rockies

As he kept dreaming, and dreaming, and dreaming

Of a mythical land and the new friends he'd make

United with his partner,

They were determined to stand tall and talented

But something was afoot

Their co-existence was strained

He was sad to see

That this was not a perfect world

With five orange spheres,

One for each friend

So, alone he stood against a sea of waving arms

He put fate on his shoulders and shot, and shot

"I'm open," they would say

But it fell on deaf ears

He would shoot and score,

In quite elegant fashion

Yet the results remained the same

The men in green surrounded him

He was trapped,

Alone,

And he heard his friends' voices no more

They had given up

And now he sits, at home

Wondering if and when

He'll ever play with his friends again

Comment 5 comments  |  2 recs  | 

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Lovely poem...

…such elegant verses with rhythms to match, narrating the joy of hope that ends up being the despair of reality. And with such a transitional ending, I can’t help but think that that there will be a more positive following poem in this, I assume, suite of poetry.

I am also reminded that in terms of the Slam Dunk manga characters, Melo should aspire to be more like Sendoh and less like Sawakita. Although, if that doesn’t pan out, it would be a nice consolation if Melo actually played defense like Sawakita did.

by urban analrapist on Oct 6, 2011 12:26 PM EDT reply actions  

One word: Beautiful

very well done, I feel the emotion layered within the poem. hopefully the reality is less tragic

by DonMoosavi on Oct 6, 2011 6:27 PM EDT reply actions  

I really liked this.

The pacing was great, it moved very well. Nice job.

"Landry Fields! Hottest rookie in the game! Yes he is... Tall dark and handsome..."
http://www.lostinbostonblog.tumblr.com
@ross_bernhardt

by viva_morrison on Oct 7, 2011 11:45 AM EDT reply actions  

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