FanPost

Speculative Kumbaya Moment



Remember when I fanposted a made up, yet plausible (still, in hindsight) conversation between Carmelo Anthony and Josh Kroenke?

Well, it's that time again.  This time, we take you to the Knicks locker room, where Toney Douglas approaches Ronny Turiaf before the Knicks morning shootaround.

Toney: Ronny, can I talk to you for a sec?

Ronny: Yeah Toney, what you got?

Toney: We gotta do something about this, man.  Shit is bad in here.  We need a players-only.

Ronny: OK.  What do you need me for?  Be a man, call it.

Toney: Thing is, everybody knows I like Chauncey's game.  I've been playing more, got a bigger role, since Ray left.

Ronny: Yeah, I guess you didn't like Ray much.

Toney: To me, it's just competition.  I don't think he liked me.

Ronny: I don't know how the press never got wind of that fight you guys had where you almost broke his hand with your shoulder.

Toney: Yeah, well, thing is hating is not something Toney Douglas do. I like everyone.  I even like Carmelo.

Ronny: Yeah, man.  To tell you the truth, I wanna knock that pretty boy on his ass so fucking bad it makes my ankle hurt.  Amar'e too.  I can't fucking believe how STAT was on that guy's jock.  Now I gotta deal with this prima donna 'stead of my Italian Stallion, and Silent Wil, and my little general.  Them guys were prime human beings, TD.

Toney: Exactly.  That's why I need you.  We all need to get this shit out.  We got to be a team again.

Ronny: I don't know if I want to be a team again.

Toney: You want to win again?  You want to go 4 and out in the playoffs.

(long pause)

Ronny:  Allright, you owe me one TD.  Don't blame me if Melo gets dropped.

Toney (laughing): Thanks Ronny.

******AFTER RUN-THROUGH*******

Toney and Ronny stand in the center of the locker room

Ronny: Allright, listen up guys.  Me and Toney are calling a players only. 

Toney: We just need to discuss some shit that's going on.

Ronny: Alright  guys?  (looking at Melo) Alright, Carmelo?

Melo (with slightly sarcastic grin) aight.

Toney: Alright, Amar'e?

Amar'e.  Yeah Toney.   Coaches!  Clear out! (gives Toney that same look he gave Blake Griffin that time)

*     *     *

Toney: OK, y'all.  We losing.  You know that.  I know y'all are playing hard out there, but there's some stuff going on that needs to come out.  The guys we brought in are good guys.  I believe that.  We got to come together.

(silence)

Ronny: Melo, you can play, I'll give you that.  I don't know if you're a good guy or not, I honestly don't.  Thing is, the guys we had, those guys were my brothers.. (starts to tear up) man... I loved those guys! 

(Bill Walker drops his head, supressing laughter.  He is elbowed by Andy Rautins.  Walker pushes him and he falls off his chair and is helped up by Landry)

Amar'e: You got something to say, Bill?

Bill: Nah, man.

Toney: Tell us why you think it's funny.  Come on.

Ronny: Yeah, man, tell us why you think it's so fucking funny (voice cracks on the 'fucking' and his eyes gleam with menace)

Bill: Aight.  What are we, crying?  Come on man, man up.  What are we, LeBron and Bosh?  Come on.  Man up and play the fuckin' game.  Buncha cryin' Heatles. (exchanges high five with Balkman)

Extra E: Maybe we are the Heatles. (all eyes turn toward extra E with surprise)

Extra E: I mean, I'm just a walk on.  It ain't my place to speak.

Toney: No, Shawne, say it, man.  If you feel it, say it.

Extra E.  I mean, look at this shit.  Mr. Big Shot with the ring.  Carmelo, no offense man, Mr. Rockstar, oh, yeah, Mr. savior, we need you to win a chip.  Just like LeBron, 'cept not.. 

Bill: Not a fuckin' dork.  (Laughter breaks out, including Carmelo) I mean, fuck LeBron, right?  Fuck that guy.

Amar'e: Fuck Bosh too. (Laughter intensifies)

Extra E: Guys, seriously guys.  I don't want that upper class / lower class shit.  Y'all rock stars coming from Denver with all these dudes over here (waves at Humpty and She-will)   Who are these muthafuckas?  And you, Amar'e, man....  what is it man?  You wanted this dude here.  Are you one of them or one of us?

(Amar'e's smile disappears and he looks down)

Amar'e: Shawne... Toney, Ronny... I'm one of US.

Humpty: (Snort) What Us?  I don't see no 'Us'.  I ain't never seen no 'Us'.  Well, I saw it when y'all guys came to Denver.  Saw that shit happen right on our court.  But y'all ain't got that now.  I think that 'Us' shit went to Denver. 

(suddenly Ronny gets up and rushes toward Humpty and jumps him, cursing in French)

Humpty: What, what?  Ow!

(The fight is separated by Landry, Andy, Amar'e, Toney, and Shawne, and She-will)

Carmelo: Dudes, man, chill the fuck out.

Ronny: All right, tell us what it is, Mr. Rock Star.

Andy: He was picked behind Darko, but he cares just as much!

Carmelo: Someone shut that rook up.

Toney: Hey uh, Andy?  Shut up.

Andy: OK.

Toney: Carmelo?

Carmelo: I just wanna win a fuckin' game.  Rock star shit, whatever.  I just wanna win. Y'all wanna win a fuckin' game?  I wanna win a fuckin' game.

Extra E: How bad you wanna win a fuckin' game?

Carmelo: Really bad.  Really fucking bad.

Extra E: You gonna play D?

Carmelo: I'm playin D, man.  I'm playin' more D than I ever played in my life.

Humpty: It's true, man.

Chauncey: It is true.  No offense man.

Carmelo: I'll pass the ball to y'all, I'll do what I got to do. I just wanna win a fuckin' game.

Amar'e: you know, in the playoffs you need to win more than 'a' game.  You've got to win (counts to himself)

Chauncey: 16 games.  (laughter)

Amar'e: 16 games.

Landry: All 48 minutes of the game.

Amar'e: Yes.  That's.....

Landry: 768 minutes.  But that doesn't count all the minutes in the games you don't win.  Got to play those too.

Carmelo:  All right, all right.

Amar'e: Not just effort, all the time, but standing with your teammates - all the time.

Carmelo: Man, the guys got to stand with me too.

Extra E: No, man.  No.  You're the one coming here.  You're a knick.  Ain't the other way around.

Toney: You wanted the jersey, right?  It's more than the jersey.  You've got to want the team.

Carmelo: That's what I wanted.  I wanted the team. 

(silence)

Landry: Actually, man... technically... you could have gone to free agency, gave up a few million and come to a more complete team.  Or you could have threatened to do that so we didn't have to give up so much.

Carmelo: I was... I was gonna... I was prepared to do that.... I mean... thing is.... I wanted to help those guys... didn't want to LeBron their shit either.

Bully: Can I just say it again?  Fuck that guy.  Fuck LeBron and his pussy-ass Bosh.

Carmelo: Look... I know you lost your guys.  Those were good guys.  They were players.  Gallo, man, that guy had balls, he was a player.  Felton was tough man.  I realize... I realize he was your general.  I'm sorry man.  Maybe I coulda done more.  Maybe I shoulda done something different.

Ronny, man.  I'm sorry.  I just wanted to be a Knick.  I just wanna stand with y'all.  I just wanna win a fuckin' game. man.

Jeffries:  You got to stand with us.  I'm just saying, don't, you know, get on my case for not passing the ball to you when I'm just trying to do what coach said.

Toney: Don't sit on the bench during a time out.  Get your ass to the huddle.  Shit like that.  Means a lot.

Amar'e: Yeah, man.  He's right.  Means a lot.

Carmelo: All right.  Look guys, sometimes I get frustrated, I wish guys could shoot like me, move like me.  I wish people could read my mind, cause I can see it.  I can see it happening.  The ball's gonna go in the basket.  I can see that shit.  I got to work on controlling that frustration.

Ronny: It's about communicating man.  No one is perfect.  No one knows what to do without talking about it.

Toney: Sometimes I look at you and wish you could D up like me.

Humpty: Oh, snap.

Carmelo: Wait till next practice.  I'll show you.

Toney: Show me in the game tonight.

Carmelo: All right. 

(Toney and Carmelo shake hands.  Turiaf gets Carmelo in a borderline uncomfortable group hug.  Amar'e and Chauncey join the hug and pretty soon is a team wide hug and rhythmic jump.  Amar'e starts a 'New York Knicks' chant.  Soon, it is deafening.

They go out, and promptly turn the ball over 21 times and lose to the Magic on 4th quarter flurry from Gilbert Arenas.  But they get Dwight Howard so mad he gets double T'd and thrown out of the game. 

And then the Knicks win the next game, and a few more.)

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