FanPost

Know the Prospect *GM EDITION*: Glen Grunwald

With the departure of the sure-handed, straight-shooting Donald Walsh, our front office has a Death Star sized crater left in the middle of it. Glen Grunwald was pushed into the oval office in the interim. Thankfully, Donnie is still around for the time being, and will contribute to the draft process. There are many prospects out there and i would like to take some time to look at few of them. My guess is that we will not name a new President/General Manager until after the Collective Bargaining Agreement has been settled or (hashem forbid) the lockout has concluded.

Unfortunately for your reading pleasure, I completely lack enthusiasm in any capacity, and am entirely filled with vitriol. Nevertheless I will attempt to provide a marginally informative -albeit drab and tedious- description of some of the bigger names in the Front Office Free Agent Pool (FOFAP).


We now continue this 47-part series with the man who's currently at the helm, Mr. Glen Grunwald.

Grunwald_060928_300_medium

via www.nba.com

lookin like the actual amalgamation of Dirk Nowitzki and Larry Bird

 

Glen Garibald Grunwald was born on the 13th of June 1958, the year of the Dog. Glen is a Gemini. He is from Chicago and was a very talented basketball player. His biggest fame was way back in high school, when he made the All-Chicago team four times. He was the first to do it, and its a feat that has not been repeated since. He went on to play college ball for Indiana University. He was named their captain and they won the NCAA championship in 1981. His coach was Bob Knight, and notable teammates were Mike Woodson, Butch Carter, Randy Wittman and Isaiah Thomas. He proceeded to be drafted by the Boston Celtics with the 20,634th pick of the 5th round, but he never played an NBA game.

Rather than chase championship dreams on the next level, Glen continued his schooling. He earned some big fancy law degree and started making that marketing cheese. After a few business ventures, and a stint as an undisclosed television network's legal counsel, he got a job within the Denver Nuggets organization working as the Vice President! It wasn't long before Glen moved onward and upward to the Toronto Raptors, where Isaiah Thomas put him to work as the General Manger. The Raptors instantaneously had their best years since being inserted into the league. In large part due to Mr. Grunwald's crafty maneuvers.

Eventually the Raptors faltered behind the heir (apparent) of stink, Wince Carter, and his inability to push the team and himself to the next level. Roster upheaval and coach-management beef ensued, and Grunwald was canned, on April Fool'a Day, shortly before the Raptors officially missed the playoffs in 2004.

Two years later, he was again sought out by Isaiah Thomas, this time in New York, and he was named Assistant to the General Manager. Been there every since.

 

Measurements

Height: 6'9"

Guess the Weight: He's a big fella, that's for certain. I'm gonna go with 310.

Projected Draft Position: Glen has had good drafts and bad drafts. Like his main man Isaiah- he always tries to be sneaky. Glen will draft to make a statement, yet keep you guessing.

Actually Drafted Position: 5th Round by the Boston Celtics, 1981

 

Comparison

Unfortunately, in some regards, this guy makes me think of Isaiah Thomas. Fortunately, he actually knows how to run a business. He knows how to spot off the radar talent (Matt Bonner, Lloyd Daniels), but gets caught pressing a little too much (Chris Bosh, Michael Bradley).

The Clyde Factor

I think Clyde is gonna have this one down. He might accidentally say "Grundle Wad". Walding and Balding. Grunwald, cooking and booking.

But I sincerely believe it's Mike Breen we'll be lol'ing over. Breen will always say "Ernie Grunfeld".

Cool Stuff

-Glen is a Canadian citizen

-He is married with children, and from Chicago! And a High School sports star! Regular Al Bundy, over here.

-He is very good at making speeches. Perhaps he could learn up Jimbo Dolan how to speak semi-coherently in public.

 

Actual List of Transactions

here's every transaction this doofus ever made!

Punk Ass Amateur List of Transactions

-He traded away Damon Stoudamire, which was idiotic. 

-He traded away Marcus Camby, idiotic, but totally awesome. Especially when considering he got Charles Oakley in exchange.

-He drafted Jonathan Bender. Legs, mane! Props.

-It took him a number of years to trade Doug Christie, thats lame.

-He waived Carlos Arroyo without ever drafting or signing him. Thats fucking awesome! I'm doing the same thing as we speak!

-He drafted Chris Bosh. So doofy.

 

Let's go to the video:

1981 NCAA Championship - Indiana vs North Carolina (via 1987Hawkeyes)- there he is, #40!!

 

The Battle of Grunwald-part 1 (with English subtitles) (via Paulus4AD) there he is again! #40!

 

Things to Take Away

-The guy can run the business side of things, no problem.

-He has made some pretty good draft picks, but not too many diamonds in the rough.

-He's tends to pick players that probably remind him of himself.

 

Final Thoughts

This guy fucking reeks of Isaiah Thomas. And THAT GUY REEEEEKS of James Dolan. He's Smart enough not to put us in salary cap hell with guys that fucking blow, and he won't trade us further and further into the abyss, so there's that. More than likely this is the guy that is going to run the show. He's done it before, and he is as direct a line to Isaiah Thomas as one can get without employing Isaiah Thomas. It's freaky, but when all is said (sad) and done, this might be the king of the hill. He is an internal hire, which appeals to Dolan, and he is buddy-buddy with Isaiah Thomas. Two points for the Grundle Wad.

 

As the world keeps on burning...

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