Sons? Of whom? Oh, SUNS. Still...what?
What's up with the Suns?
From East Bay Ray of Bright Side of the Sun:
Believe it or not, it was only a week and a half ago that the Suns and their fans were feeling pretty good about themselves. It looked like the team might be turning the corner after a slow start to the team's offense, and the Suns were sitting at 4-4 after destroying the Blazers and Bucks at home on January 6th and 8th. Then came a 99-83 loss in LA to the Lakers, which was actually a close game until the offense collapsed down the stretch, and the wheels fell off. The Suns haven't won since and a couple of the losses have been ugly (losing to the Nets at home and getting annihilated by the Bulls without Rose). There isn't much positive to say about the team right now.
Steve Nash is still playing at a high level, and amazingly continues to lead the league in assists per game despite the dearth of quality finishers surrounding him. Marcin Gortat has quietly become an above average center, although the fact he leads the team in scoring is mostly an indictment of the impotency of the rest of the scorers. The others in the starting lineup should be bench players. This team simply needs more talent.
In the past, the Suns were iffy on defense and rebounding but would have a puncher's chance against superior teams if their shooters had big games bombing away from 3. Their defense and rebounding aren't much, if at all, improved but now the offense doesn't even have much chance to outscore a team.
The Suns' 4-9 record and #13 position in the West are well-deserved.
Meet the new Suns!
Markieff Morris- The only way to tell Markieff apart from his brother Marcus is by presenting either of them with a bouquet of flowers and asking for an appropriate receptacle. Markieff says "vayz" and Marcus says "voz".
Ronnie Price- Ronnie carefully selected and distributed a different Disney villain-themed Pez dispenser to each of his teammates for snacking on the road. When Ronnie found out that Robin Lopez (Hades) and Hakim Warrick (Cruella Deville) had traded theirs, he kicked Lopez in the shin and locked himself in the team bus until they agreed to trade back.
Sebastian Telfair- Sebastian's wanted ad for a 30-foot tall man who will allow Sebastian to sleep in his outstretched palm each night has received zero legitimate responses on Craig's List since he posted it in 2008.
Adventures in Impersonating Robin Lopez on Omegle
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi r u a horny female
You: no, but from a distance i kind of look like one
You: and i have a gender-ambiguous name
You: i think you'll find that my hair is very soft to the touch
You: my beard, too
You: i could call up my brother, too, if you like
You: he's also got a girl's name
Stranger: im good
You: ok good, he's in bad shape anyway
You: he broke his foot
You: i worry about the kid sometimes
Stranger: that sucks
You: it does
You: i often wonder if it's his punishment for always being a buttface to me though
You: like tying my hair to a mail truck
You: that shit's not cool
Stranger: lol so do u like dick or pussy
You: comic books
Stranger: what r u talking about
You: i like comic books
You: also saved by the bell
Stranger: r u gay jw
You: no except for spiderman maybe
You: i'd let spiderman web me
Stranger: I like big tities
You: i really like kingdom hearts
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
As you well know, there's plenty of history between Knicks and Suns personnel. Let's run down the list:
- Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony and Suns guard Shannon Brown employ the same dog acupuncturist, Dr. Chloe.
The Fifth Annual Meeting of the Phoenix Society of Aged Basketball Players
Steve: Hey Grant, this is Michael. He's new here and I thought he might enjoy our meetings.
Grant: He...Steve, I thought this was just going to be the two of us?
Steve: Well, Michael's pretty old as well, and I just thought he'd have something to bring to the table.
Michael: Check this out. [crouches, one knee makes a popping sound and emits a cloud of dust]
Grant: Impressive. And how long have you been in the league?
MIchael: Well, I've--
Steve: Grant, don't harass the new guy. He's plenty old, I swear.
Grant: I'm not harassing! I'm just making conversation! Say, MIchael, remember Loy Vaught?
Steve: Grant, stop.
Michael: Yeah, sure, that guy on the Mavs? He kind of sucked.
Grant: Ha! Yes, guy on the Mavs. This guy is great, Steve. Great find.
Steve: Grant, don't be rude.
Grant: Please, Steve. I'll have you know, Michael, that Loy Vaught was a pretty gifted scorer in his day. Really let me down in Detroit, though.
Michael: Detroit? You were on th--
Steve: Careful, Michael.
Grant: THE PISTONS!? Is that what you were going to ask? Yes, I was on the fucking Pistons.
Grant: What are you, 30!? This is the PSABP, not fucking amateur hour.
Grant: Get this child out of my sight.
Michael: I jus--
Steve: Michael, let's go. Real cool, Grant.
Grant: "That guy on the Mavs." Fucking kids. I miss Shaquille.
And now you're ready for Knicks-Suns!