Radical Solutions Time Again

We've reached the point again in the season - it comes at least twice a year - where we are exasperatingly pulling our hair out, whether that hair be on our heads (for the non-bald among us) or somewhere else on our body. In either case, it's painful, and an alternative is recommended.

That alternative? Radical solutions time! When the Knicks play becomes so awful at one or both ends of the floor that we take Spock's words to heart, "If all possible outcomes are eliminated, the impossible must be true" or something like that. For a brief period last year, it seemed like we could suspend the R.S. series, but then the trade happened and we lost to Cleveland, like, 7 times or something.

An example of a radical solution would be: "Playing Tyson Chandler at point guard", or "Activate Herb Williams". I'll leave suggestions up to you in the comments, but I will get you started with one - it's really the granddaddy of all solutions:

Abraham Lincoln

That's right, I said it. We need to a)find a time machine, b)go back in time to the 1860's and c) convince Mr. Emancipator to come back with us and play point guard for the New York Knicks.

Why?

1. Great Emancipator. Duh. Knicks offense needs to be emancipated.

2. Good length: Word is, Honest Abe was 6'4" in socks. Of course, the socks were thicker back then, but still, he's got solid size for the position.

3. Good decision maker. I think we can all agree on this. When the chips were down, he wasn't the type to throw a lazy cross court pass, or entrust his top general to charge the confederate lines alone and naked.

4. Unified country. Didn't sit back and play defense only. Agressively pursued keeping the union together. Perhaps he can unify our backcourt with our frontcourt.

5. Like Jorts, also purported to be 'Dirt Strong'.

6. His name is Abraham, which Amar'e is bound to respect.

7. 'Lincoln to Landry' just kind of rolls off the tongue. You can almost smell the chemistry.

and the over-arching, penultimate reason:

8. Beard.