Pre-Game Reconnaissance: Knicks at Wizards- 1/6/12

They don't look like Wizards to me...

What's up with the Wizards?

From Mike Prada, master of Bullets Forever:

So, the Wizards are pretty terrible. You can see that from the 0-6 record, but trust me, watching it has been way worse. What happens when you take a team with subpar talent, surround it with a roster of young players with poor basketball IQ and tunnel-vision on both ends, throw in poor coaching, mix in a culture that rewards the loafers (cough Andray Blatche) and fails to come down hard on selfish play (just look at the team's projected starting lineup for tonight), drop in a failure to envision a way the players fit together and bring it all together with an organizational philosophy of "it's OK, we're rebuilding!?" You get this team.

It's gotten so bad that people are wondering if John Wall himself is part of the problem. Wall's production is way down and he can't throw the ball into the ocean right now, but as one of his handlers told Sean Deveney of Sporting News, "You can't raise good crops in bad soil." There will need to be a point where the Wizards go all-in to placate the face of the franchise, and it has to happen soon. This is the NBA. This is how it's supposed to work.

Until then, expect more episodes of infinite sadness.

Meet the new Wizards!

Shelvin Mack- Shelvin often gets confused when buying food because his name is the same as the universal grocer slang for stocking shelves with macaroni.

Roger Mason Jr.- Upon returning to D.C., Roger was delighted to learn that his new coach, Flip Saunders, has a laxer policy regarding pets than his previous coach, Eddie Jordan. His rescued gummy bear/worm mix, Spence, is now permitted to accompany him in the locker room and on the team plane.

Chris Singleton- The Wizards coaching staff has repeatedly asked Chris to wear regular socks instead of taped-up corn husks on his feet during games. They've even slipped fresh, league-issued socks into his luggage, only to find Chris gnawing on them later in the locker room.

Ronny Turiaf- Just this morning, Ronny found Bill Walker's long-missing XBox controller in his beard, and intends to return it to him after tonight's game.

Jan Vesely- Jan was recently thrown out of the Lincoln Memorial for spending a full hour trying to convince the 30-foot statue to "get up for once and come hit the clubs" with him.

Adventures in Impersonating Ronny Turiaf on Omegle!

Jared Jeffries's Joke Junction!

Q: How does a bar of soap at Hogwarts spend its day?

A: Washing some wizards! Washing... Washing some, Washington. I guess that doesn't sound that similar. I was thinking of saying "washing tons of wizards", but if I remember correctly, the bathrooms, at least in the Gryffindor house, are pretty numerous and dispersed throughout the quarters, so, really, only a few wizards per day would use the soap for washing. Oh, I guess I also should have specified that it's a bar of soap in the boy's chambers, since the girls are called witches, not wizards.

And now you're ready for Knicks-Wizards!