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More on the Stoudemire / Felton Conspiracy!


Here is my cloak and dagger fictionalized account of the Lin release and the Felton return. Conjecturizing! I can't help it - this stuff pops into my head. Knicktion!

2011 training camp is a week away. Amar'e meets Glen Grunwald in a dark tunnel beneath Madison Square Garden.

Glen: How are you feeling, Amar'e?

Amar'e: Honestly? Not great. Tried during the lockout to bulk up to play Center, like you asked. I don't like it. Too Bulky, I can't jump right , and my back doesn't like it either. And my shot's off. Not that I'll get any shots.

Glen: Now look Amar'e, the Melo's trade's done. the organization's committed. You'll go the way of Walsh if you squawk about that. Mike's on the edge right now. To the big guy, that amnesty provision has your name written all over it if you step over the line.

Amar'e: Can't do that, Glen. Bleed orange and blue. I love this team, not giving up, not running from the challenge. Wouldn't be phenomenal. Wouldn't send the right message to the youth coming up today.

Glen: I know, my friend. We're in this thing to win it. But my hands are somewhat tied here.

Amar'e: You know, Glen, I like Melo. He's a good guy, and a phenomenal player. I wanted him here. Don't like his point guard much though. Either passes it to Melo or shoots it himself.

Glen: What can I do? We need a point guard.

Amar'e is deep in thought. Suddenly he pops his head up.

Amar'e: Phenomenal!

Glen: What?

Amar'e: What if I told you there was a way to kill 2, 3 birds with one stone? Listen, Tyson Chandler's still out there, right? I once dissed that guy in high school, I owe him one. Plus he's turned out phenomenal.

Glen: He's about to sign with Golden Fucking State. Wish I could offer him more.

Amar'e: What if you amnestied Chauncey and signed Tyson? Then I wouldn't have to play the 5, and we could get rid of my 'problem'.

Glen: Ohhhh, that would piss Chauncey off. Oh, man, that would piss him off. I like it Amar'e, it's ... how do you say? Phenomenal? But... we just picked up the guy's option. I convinced Dolan to do it, he didn't like it.

Amar'e: Well, if he's still pissed off about it, you know how he gets. Remember when he gave me that old Ewing jersey, and I wore it out, and he didn't like it, and he paid that guy 3 million to break into my house and steal it back?

Glen: Good thing he didn't have the amnesty back then. Amar'e, I think I can sell this to Jimmy.... and I like it a lot. But do you think Toney can handle the point guard position?

Amar'e: HAHAHAHAHAHA. I'd really love to get Raymond back.

Glen: We pissed him off pretty good. And we can't afford him either.

Amar'e: Naw, he wants to come back, real bad. Just talked to him. Bleeds orange and blue.

Glen: Unless he has a real crappy season, he's out of our range.

Amar'e: He'll tank it, if you say the word. But you guys gotta agree you're going to bring him back on, whatever it takes.

Glen: Probably not a problem getting Jimmy to agree to that. After the trade, when Ray staggered into his office, blubbering drunk and crying, it touched the guy. Dolan wants to right that wrong, I know he does. He'll agree to that. Send Ray the word. He tanks, we'll bring him back.

Amar'e: Phenomenal. Now, if he tanks... and you don't bring him back.... he's got dirt. Dirt on the Isiah / Dolan thing. Just sayin.

Glen: Understood.

July 2012

Glen: What the fuck are we going to do?

Dolan: Simple. Don't match the offer.

Glen: Mr. Dolan, you've got to be shitting me. Really?

Dolan: Ray needs another chance. We made a promise to him. He's not going to get that chance if we match that offer. Look, I got Morey to up the offer. It gives us an out.

Glen: Have you seen those millions of KNICK fans all over the WORLD wearing his Jersey? They're going to be Rockets fans. And half the city is going to go that way. Or go to the Nets.

Dolan: A deal's a deal. The Rockets are in fucking Texas. The Nets are a problem, but believe me, they're not going to get Dwight Howard. I've taken care of that. And also cleared up that little issue with Al Harrington.

Glen: We're going to bleed on this one.

Dolan: We'll be OK. We always are. These Knick fans keep coming back, dumb bastards. They're stupid, but loyal. Those are my kind of people. Besides which, the fans saw one thing, but we know the real deal. I mean, everyone believes the 'humble asian kid' act, but I'm telling you, you've seen the clip.. I mean, have you ever seen anyone do that much blow and survive? And jeez, haven't they ever heard of safe sex in Palo Alto? The kid's a ticking time bomb. And's what's with the amputees? How many amputees do you need at a goddamn orgy?

Glen: He did drop 38 on the Lakers the next day. Just sayin.

Dolan: We'll be better off. You match that offer, we have to create a reason to bench the kid. Don't want to do that to his parents, poor bastards. That ruins his value anyway. It's done, decision's made.

Glen: (sigh). Yeah. I see your point. I guess. If only we had re-signed Al Harrington, he never would have given the dirt to Melo and we wouldn't --

Dolan: It is what it is. That's the way the business works. It's kind of like a blues number.

Glen: No it isn't.

Dolan: Yes it is. Now get out of my office, and win me the Stanley Prize, or whatever that thing is they give to the best basketballers.

Glen: Yes, sir.

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