Pre-Game Reconnaissance: Knicks vs. Heat- 11/2/12

Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

Ready yourself for a battle with the Heats of Miami.

What's up with the Heat?

Well, I wasn't able to get in touch with the Hot Hot Hoops folks in time, but check out their post on how Miami intends to defend Carmelo Anthony (presumably playing the four):

Last season, the All-Star played 19 percent of his possessions at the 4-spot, and shot a blistering 55 percent there, according to 82games.com. The Knicks outscored it's opponents by 84 points during the course of the year with Anthony at power forward. By comparison, Anthony had a 17.4 player efficiency rating at small forward in 2010-11. At power forward? 29.5.

In short, LeBron James isn't the only small forward with a dazzling post game.

Shane Battier will probably have the task of limiting Anthony, with help from James at times and during crunch time if the game is close, but stalling a player of that caliber isn't entirely possible.

This analysis of Miami's offense in their first game is a worth a read as well, if you're interested.

Meet the new Heats!

Ray Allen- The Celtics may feel jilted and bitter about Ray's departure, but nobody feels more jilted and bitter than Lucas, a Wellesley-residing eastern gray squirrel who'd acquired a taste for the Allens' gourmet compost pile.

Josh Harrellson- Josh's new bathing jorts have a built-in mesh lining to combat chafing, but he doesn't know what to do about the salt stains acquired from his harbor swims.

Rashard Lewis- Rashard, under the impression that this was the way things work, elected to change his birthday to December 8, 1992 upon joining the Heat. Rashard's personal records and Heat paperwork have not been amended to reflect this change, because that isn't even remotely how things work or have ever worked anywhere.

Adventures in Impersonating Josh Harrellson (miss u, Josh) on Omegle!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hi there

Stranger: where you from

You: the country

You: missouri

Stranger: oh

Stranger: you are girl or boy

You: i'm a boy

You: a big boy

Stranger: i am girl

You: terrific

You: do you like meats

Stranger: yes!very much

You: what kind of meats

You: cow

You: ?

You: hog?

You: rabbit?

You: raccoon?

You: salamander?

Stranger: pig

Stranger: you?

You: i love pig

You: i love all the meats

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: me too

You: i once went swimming with a pig then ate it later that day

You: the whole thing

Stranger: why ate it

You: because i like pigmeat

You: and he was a weak swimmer and cheated at marco polo

Stranger: kewl

Stranger: my English is not well

You: hey thats ok with me

Stranger: than you^_^

Stranger: thank you

You: pardon me but

You: could i interest you in some jorts

Stranger: what means jorts

You: shorts that are also jeans

You: best of both worlds kid

You: would you like an example?

Stranger: yes

You: here's me showing off my jorts

Stranger: handson!

You: i can get your own pair if you want

You: could stitch your name on the front or the back

You: maybe throw some flames on the sides or a picture of an alligator

Stranger: my english name is Yvonne

You: ok we can do that

You: and then do you have a number that you like

You: like i usually go with 55

You: put it right on crotch area

Stranger: 9

You: so then people look at it and im like hey i'm up here! but i'm just kidding

You: okay we can do 9

You: my man rashard has that now and he wears his jorts a lot

You: loves them

You: i might be out of nines

You: i could just snag his

You: do you mind if your jorts say rashard on them

Stranger: OK

Stranger: there

You: perfect

You: also they have a picture of a trumpet

You: i dont really know why but rashard asked for that

You: oh and a button fly

You: again, no idea why

Stranger: OK

You: great. you're gonna love these

You: you wouldn't happen to be 6'11" would you?

Stranger: I have to go to bed

Stranger: because i will go to shcool tomrrow!

You: okay sleep tight

You: ask your classmates if they need any school-appropriate jorts

Stranger: bye

You: bye

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Six Degrees of Jason Kidd!

Jason Kidd's been around a while and he's made quite a few connections over the years. But what about the Miami Heat? Can we connect them to Jason in just six degrees? Let's see...

Heat forward Udonis Haslem attended the University of Florida. So did actress Faye Dunaway.

Faye Dunaway starred in Bonnie and Clyde with Warren Beatty.

Warren Beatty is named Warren. So is Belfius Mons-Hainaut forward Warren Carter.

Warren Carter played for the 2010 Knicks Summer League team with guard Jaycee Carroll.

Jaycee Caroll likes clams.

Clams hate Jason Kidd.

Jim Todd Pep Talks!


Jimtod_copy_medium

they're gonna trap you raybert. they're gonna trap you and they're gonna surround you with the arms and their necks and they're gonna try and murder you so you can't do passes to your team. i made a hole under the court raymom. i was here last night with my shovel and my dog and we dug a hole. if those rats trap you go to that spot. that spot that says new york knicks has a trap door and if you jump on it you will fall into a pillow hole. i'll get you from the pillow hole raygun. i won't let them kill you.

Jimtod_copy_medium

stevie this is a slingshot. you ever used one of these? doesn't matter. this is the safety. yes slingshots have safeties. stevie look at me. this is the safety. on. off. on. off. okay? you keep that safety on for now but when you check in the game you've gotta be ready to sling. no steve this is for you. don't walk away. you're supposed to do threes steve and the last time we had you out here trying to do threes those goddamn rats swarmed you like you were a slab of mutton. they were trying to kill you stevie. steamy if they come at you like that again i need to know that you're prepared to use your slingshot. hold this beauty with one hand here and one hand here, plop this old spiky beanbag in there, aim for the large intestine, and let loose. it's just a regular spiky beanbag. yes i made it. that's marmot fur. don't worry about that. just worry about doing some threes tonight stevie. those rats can't get you.

And now you're ready for Knicks-Heat!

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