Turn your ears to the west, good reader - toward the general direction of Los Angeles. Can you hear the faint but incessant pitter-patter of fingers on the keyboard, punctuated by the sharp sniffing sound that comes from someone hoovering copious amounts of cocaine? That, my friend, is the sound of some Hollywood hack screenwriter manically putting the finishing touches to the script for Jeremy Lin: Vampire Hunter?
Hack: “Aww, yeah! –sniff- Almost done. But who will play Lin? Who’s the guy from Harold and Kumar – not the Indian, the other dude? Perfect! –sniff- It’s gonna be Hoosiers meets Twilight meets Crouching Tiger. Dude, we’ll film the basketball scenes with that kung fu wire-work shit…that’ll play great in the Asian markets. Damn, I need another eight-ball.”
As a Knicks’ fan, I’m nervously anticipating the premiere of the Greatest Story Ever Told: the Knicks climbing above .500 (and hopefully staying there). Considering most fans started the season with visions of at least a home playoff series, the .500 mark might not seem like much of an accomplishment; but it is an accomplishment any loyal, long-suffering fan of this franchise should cherish.
Naturally, I’m interested in any article analyzing Lin’s long-term potential – not to mention his potential to coexist with Melo when he returns. To find these articles, however, one must tunnel through a virtual mountain of heavy-handed, not-particularly-basketball-related Lin puff pieces. Jeremy Lin is a great story, no doubt; but the fact of the matter is that the modern 24-hour news cycle eats great stories for breakfast and craps them out before brunch. At this point we’ve all heard his life story ad naseum (spoiler alert: he’s Asian.) I beg you, America; let us get back to the basketball.
I can’t believe I’m doing this…but I’m going to take my cue from FOX News.
Have you ever happened upon one of their annual “War on Christmas” segments, where some talking head rails against Obama for writing “Happy Holidays” on his Christmas card instead of “Merry Christmas?” That’s the kind of sober, reasonable critique we need for the Jeremy Lin phenomenon.
Thus I am introducing a new multi-part segment: The War on Linsanity. Its purpose to keep Knicks’ fans alerted to any threat posed by the media’s insatiable lust for our new star point guard. God willing, we can stop Jeremy Lin from becoming the next Tim Tebow.