"Ricks" for short, I think.
What's up with the Mavericks?
Of the many years that the Mavs had a fine shot at winning a championship, few would have picked 2010-2011 as the breakthrough year, especially after Caron Butler went down. Tyson Chandler was obviously a big help, but as the Knicks are finding out, he doesn’t sweat championships. He’s great though. The Wolves are finding the same thing with Barea. The Nets and DeShawn Stevenson…well.
But not knowing what to expect is what being a Mavs fan is all about. They stand at 20-11, but four of those were in the first five games, as they struggled out of the gate. Two more, on Jan 16 and 18, were on identical buzzer-beating threes, from identical spots, in the exact same stadium (staples) from two guys whose primes are a bit behind them (Derek Fisher and Chauncey). Three more came in a recent three-game swoon, starting with OKC (fine, sure), Indiana (wait, Indiana?), and Cleveland (….what?).
In other words, the Mavs are a largely irrelevant gate-opening swoon, two buzzer beating threes, and two Indiana-Cleveland games from having won, oh, 23 of their last 26? And they still have gone 19-7 over that span.
The thing is, though, it’s hard to know why. Their defense is great, having held Denver and Philly to 84 and 75 in the last two. But their starting center, Brendan Haywood, played 12 minutes aganst the Nuggets and 17 against the 76ers. Their startling good 2nd option, Ian Mahimni, is now their startlingly bad 3rd option.
The offense has been solid, but Dirk missed a week to recuperate, came back gangbusters, faded back out of form, and then singlehandedly scored as much as the 76ers in the 2nd half last night. Jason Terry has not been consistent at all and has missed the last two games. Jason Kidd has played only 21 games this season. Delonte West broke his finger and is out 4-6 weeks. Vince Carter’s contributions come and go, but that’s nothing compared to Lamar Odom’s. Beaubois went from some amazing, dominant offensive games to sitting out the last several even before he had to leave for personal reasons.
The Mavs beat the Sixers in their last game, despite the fact that the only guards they had active were Vince Carter, Jason Kidd, and Dominique Jones. Despite Shawn Marion shooting 3-13, Kidd and Vince Carter, 3-8, Lamar Odom 2-5, Brandan Wright 3-10. They beat the Nuggets a few nights ago,and scored 102 points, despite Dirk’s 5-12 for 12, and no one else scoring more than Marion’s 16. They beat the Clippers before that, despite Dirk’s 5-15, 2 of which were a three-pointer with 6 left to bring it within 3, and a 19-footer with :41 left to push the lead to 3. Etc. Etc.
Basically, the Mavs win. It’s been troubling as a Mavs fan, not to be able to put our fingers on why. But it sure is better than the alternative.
Meet the new Mavericks!
Vince Carter- There is a nimbus cloud drifting over the Balkan Mountains that produces rain every time Vince expresses displeasure.
Lamar Odom- Lamar keeps his head shaven because his hair, when grown in, is bright orange with long bangs in the front.
Delonte West- Delonte has never eaten spinach and, in fact, thinks "spin itch" is a kind of rash one gets on one's thighs after attempting too many spin moves.
Sean Williams- Sean is in the process of developing a tunnel that runs underground from a Little Caesars in Dallas directly to a trap door alongside his seat on the Mavericks' bench. He's also in the process of hiring Little Caesar himself to deliver pizzas directly to him by moped whenever he feels hungry during a game.
Brandan Wright- About half of the perspiration that appears on Brandan's skin while he's playing is actually saliva.
Yi Jianlian- Yi recently purchased the trademarks for "Yilation", "Yinormous" and "Yi-harmony". Just in case.
Adventures in Impersonating Vince Carter on Omegle
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: fron ?
You: well, i'm from florida
You: but i live in dallas
You: but im in new york at the moment!
You: how about you
Stranger: you travel a lot?
You: yeah i have to for work
Stranger: my name is Tiago, brazillian
Stranger: what is your name ?
You: oh! i met a tiago from brazil once
You: oddly enough
You: my name is vince
Stranger: hello Vince
Stranger: you work with what?
You: i play basketball
You: in between periods of poisonous disgruntlement
You: and/or injury
Stranger: you have msn ?
Stranger: you've ever visited Brazil?
You: whats msn?
You: massive sloth nipples?
You: and no i've never been to brazil!
You: i hear it's nice, though
Stranger: no no
You: not nice?
Stranger: msn is a chat
You: ooh i see
Stranger: you are very sympathetic
You: so it's not maroon supper napkins
You: i like to think of myself as sympathetic
You: i appreicate that
Stranger: I do not have much knowledge of English
You: hey that's okay
You: i don't know much portuguese
You: none, in fact
You: so i appreciate you stepping out of your element to communicate with me
You: and if ever we meet, i won't try to jump over you
You: shit, i probably couldn't if i wanted to
You: but i totally could
You: but i won't
Stranger: you have some where they can chat, to have contact?
Stranger: facebook ?
You: i have a beeper
Stranger: what name for contact?
You: if you scream "half man, half AMAAAAAAZING" at the top of your lungs and then send me a page, i can be there in like 8 hours
Stranger: I'll try to find it
Stranger: I have to leave
Stranger: God is
You: ...calling you?
You: ...at your door?
You: whatever it is, don't keep god waiting on my behalf
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Steve Novak Has a Beautiful Mind
The Mavericks have two players with "car" in their last names: Vince Carter and Brian Cardinal. The combined weight of those players is 460 pounds. But why? Car. 460. 460. Car. Wait! The Lexus LS 460! Of course! And "LS" must be Luis Scola. But Luis didn't join the NBA until 2007, and the LS 460 was released in 2006. What was going on in the interim? Hmm...oh. Oh. OH GOD. OH GOD. It all makes perfect sense now.
And now you're ready for Knicks-Mavericks!