Notes From the Past Two Games: Dry-Humping .500

Knicks – Nets:

I watched this on a Chinese website. Now my Mandarin isn’t great, but I could tell the Chinese announcers at least briefly discussed the avalanche of boos descending upon Kris Humphries. I can only assume Kim Kardashian was mentioned, followed by the announcer saying, “I don't understand all this fuss over some woman with a huge ass.” Not that there aren’t reality show fame whores in China – there certainly are – but Chinese men typically hate the badunkadunk. That said, I’d like to think that Kris Humphries smarmy douche face transcends language and culture, and the all the races of the world can join hands and boo him until the end of time.

Meanwhile, simply by mentioning last night’s game, I have managed to foul Deron Williams on a three-point attempt.

It feels dirty to say this with the team currently a game below .500, but it does seem rather fortunate the Knicks lost at least one game before Melo returned. Imagine the backlash if the Knicks had rode into last night’s ambush on the heels of a long winning streak? That said, Melo is back now, and the time for dry-humping the .500 line has come and gone. I hope the fans can stash the pitchforks and torches long enough for Melo to get back into rhythm – the Knicks have a brutal schedule coming up, and if you think Melo doesn’t help this team down the stretch, then you’re out of your mind.

Knicks – Mavs:

The narrative was clear: no matter which national sports site you visited, the question before, during and after the Knicks – Mavs game was, “How would Jeremy Lin respond to his first loss as a starter?”

The question was as ridiculous before the game as it is in the wake of Lin’s 24-point, 14-assist masterpiece. This isn’t college football, where one loss is a season ending event. This is the NBA…in February. According to my research, Jordan, Bird, Magic and even Russell lost at least one game in every season in which they played. And let us not forget that Lin went to Harvard – a university famous for only three things:

1. The alma mater of John Quincy Adams

2. The setting of the Joe Pesci-Brendan Fraser movie “With Honors”

3. Traditionally sucking at basketball.

To assume Jeremy Lin would fall apart after one regular season loss would be to assume he’s not so much a legitimate basketball player so much as a loose collection of fairy dust and the hopes of Asian people. Instead, Lin went into a marquee matchup with the defending champs and did what Lin do – namely, play awesome. This wasn’t a statement game from Lin, unless you consider the statement to be “I’m Jeremy Lin, bitch…I can do this whenever I want.”

With yesterday’s effort, Lin joined Calvin Murphy as the only two players in NBA history to average 10PPG and 7APG in their first 8 career starts. The combination of Lin and Calvin Murphy just tickles me. Firstly, that’s a Hall of Fame guard Lin is being compared to, and if Lin could even approach Calvin Murphy’s career we should all be ecstatic. But more importantly, I just can’t stop chuckling at the thought of Lin, who mentions God at every possible opportunity, mentioned in the same sentence as a dude who fathered 14 children by nine different women. “Hey Jeremy, you’re this generation’s Calvin Murphy. Now go at their and start banging random skanks! And remember: no rubber!”

Somehow I get the feeling that, while Lin will continue to rack up points and assists, he will never approach Calvin Murphy’s record for fathering children – unless of course, he marries a nice Christian lady who is big fan of the show 19 Kids and Counting.

I heard ESPN fired the editor responsible for the now-infamous “Chink in the Armor” headline. I’ve been checking ESPN.com regularly, waiting for their apology article:

“Jeremy, we so solly. We Rove Rinsaity Rong Time!”

Seriously, thank you ESPN. I already hated the network for sucking the joy out of the Yankees – Red Sox rivalry (with an assist from FOX), and for their ridiculous pro-Boston bias. Now I can hate them for their good old-fashioned racism. The only way they can top themselves now is with some classic 19th century anti-Catholic conspiracy articles:

“Joe Girardi a Secret Papist? Does the Pope Control the Yankees?”

The only way for ESPN now is to go all-in and hire Clint Eastwood to reenact his crotchety old racist character from Gran Torino as the new play-by-play man for Knicks’ broadcasts. I must admit, I’d watch the crap out of that. We saw Clint’s Super Bowl commercial, so we know he’ll do sporting events; and Lord knows, the Worldwide Leader has the money to make it worth his while. Get it done ESPN.