Our longtime friend Rodger Sherman came to me last night with an earth-shattering scoop. This is his guest report on the subject. -Seth
At first I thought JRSmith.com was an elaborate hoax made by an enterprising, brilliant Knicks fan. It just seemed too good to be true. But in fact, it's just strange, perfect coincidence: two men - preposterously carefree New York Knicks guard J.R. Smith and an Alabama manufacturer of plumbing products - connected by two things. Their names, and their passion for purveying pipe.
The story of J.R. Smith and pipe is well-known. But I didn't stumble across this site looking for that.I just wanted to know what J.R. Smith's numbers were when he won Eastern Conference Player of the Week earlier in the Knicks' winning streak. So I googled, and was scrolling through the various results, and one hit in particular stood out to me.
It was a website called JRSmith.com, apparently for an Alabama business called, of all things, the Jay R. Smith Manufacturing Company. I was immediately taken aback by its description on google:
Manufactures commercial specification plumbing, environmental wastewater, rainwater collection and engineered drainage products.
Plumbing? Rainwater collection? Engineered drainage products? Couldn't you describe those as...
wait for it...
Indeed, that's exactly what you could call those things. Here's the picture of pipes that you're first greeted with when you go to jrsmith.com:
Perhaps you're awful at innuendo. Perhaps when you heard that J.R. Smith asked some girl on the internet if she was trying to obtain piping, you wondered: why, of all the household items in the world, did J.R. Smith refer to pipes to refer to his hypothetical penis?
I hope these pictures answer that question for you somewhat.
Let's learn about Jay R. Smith's business!
Jay R. Smith Mfg. Co. is a leading manufacturer of quality engineered plumbing and drainage products in the non-residential construction industry. All Smith products are designed for adaptability, conformance to codes, ease of installation, and maximum performance efficiency.
"Maximum performance efficiency?" Definitely not the same J.R.
But where can these pipes be laid?
The “yellow product,” as it is known in the industry for its distinctive color, can be found in commercial buildings across the United States and around the world. These products are installed in schools, restaurants, courthouses, stadiums, office buildings, convention centers, airport terminals, hospitals, prisons and other public and private buildings.
JESUS, J.R. Slow down. Stadiums? Not surprising. But hospitals? Prisons? Just impressive. Also, I'm going to start calling J.R. Smith "the yellow product".
So there you have it: the business specializing in cylindrical liquid conveyors that shares its name with a basketball player who once compared his dick to one of those things. If you're still interested, you can read about the company's history - like J.R., it originally hails from Jersey - or check out a full list of pipes you can try to get.