Knicktion: The True Story Of Thomas And Singleton And Jones

Glen: So that's the situation, Kurt.

Kurt: And the Doctors, they say there's no way I'll be back?

Glen: No chance. It's not getting better on its own. And with the surgery, you won't be ready, even for the finals.

Kurt: We're MAKING the finals, Glen.

Glen: See, now, Kurt, that's why this hurts me so bad.

Kurt: Yeah, yeah, Glen, whatever (waves hand). What do you say, Coach?

Woody: I told Glen 'No way'. Not after what you've done this season, what you did in Utah. As far as I'm concerned you can play for me 'til you're 50. But then I told Glen he could bring it right to you, see what you said.

Kurt: I know I'm not going to play. But I can stare.

Woody: You can stare, Kurt. You certainly can.

Kurt: Buy you say you want to bring in Singleton? James Singleton?

Glen: Yes, he's an athletic b-

Kurt: I know who he is, Glen. He's got some toughness - not one of these new-school video-game playin' lightweights infesting the league with their namby pamby soft bullshit. I like that kid, Glen. Like him a lot. Tell you what, he could of gone up on his tiptoes at measurements, said he was 6'9, he'd be in the league right now. But no, he was honest. Kid deserves a shot. Kid can play. Kid 'n' Play. I liked that group. Kid was a big Knick fan. Whatever happened to that guy?

Glen: No idea. So you'll agree to it then?

Kurt: I'll agree to it. On one condition.

Glen: What condition?

Kurt: The Singleton thing. Jeez Glen, how much money you get, you can't keep that shit straight?

Glen: Awesome Kurt.

Kurt: One more thing. I want a spot on your coaching staff when I retire.

Woody: But Kurt, you hate coaching. You said so yourself.

Kurt: Doesn't matter.

Woody: Remember this season when you were giving JKidd shooting tips? Almost killed us.

Kurt: **stares**

Woody: You can have a spot on my coaching staff anytime, Kurt.

---------Later That Day, In Dolan's office --------------------------------------------

Glen: Welcome, James. Welcome.

James Singleton: Thanks, Glen - glad to be here.

Dolan: (humming to himself) ..these new york springs chill me to my bones.....

Singleton: (to Glen) What's with him?

Glen: Don't mind him. He's working on a new blues number.

Dolan: You like the Blues, James?

Singleton: The blues? Sure, yeah, I like the blues, yeah.

Glen: OK, James, just sign on the dotted line here.... and ... here..... and ... now we just need to get Mr. Dolan's signature and we're all set!

Dolan: ....these new york springs chill me to my bones, I just signed a guy named James Singletone......... (to Glen) Hey Glen. Who was that other guy we were looking at?

Glen: What other guy?

Dolan: You know, the other guy.... used to play in Atlanta, for Mike Woodson's brother, you know the guy with the mustache....

Glen: Oh. (facepalm) Um, you mean Solomon Jones? Yeah, that was like, plan q-

Dolan: THAT's IT! I just signed a guy named SOLOMON JONES! Perfect. Get this guy outta here.

Singleton: What?

Glen: Mr. Dolan, we had an agreement.

Dolan: I didn't sign anything. There's no agreement. This guy here, he said he liked the blues but he was totally disingenuous. I don't need people like that on the Rangers.

Singleton: Rangers?

Glen: We were signing him to the Knicks sir.

Dolan: WERE signing him. WERE. Call up Jones' agent. Guards? Show Mr. SingleTONE out.

Singleton: But....

Dolan: I'll play my guitar for you Singleton. I'll sing a blues number. I'll do it. Don't fuck around with me or you're fired.

Singleton: Whatever dude. (leaves)

Dolan: That went well, I think, don't you Glen?

Glen: Yeah. That went fucking great.

----Two days later, Dolan's office --------------------------------------------------

Dolan: So, got warm out there huh? Must be like 70 today.

Glen: Yeah.

Dolan: (humming)... these new york springs, burn me like the sun......

** Dolan's Phone Rings **

Dolan: Hello? What? How did you get this number? WHAT? WHO ARE YOU? Sure, I'll put it on speaker. (to Glen) Hey Glen, you know how to put this thing on speaker?

Glen: Sure. (gets up and presses the button).

Kurt (over phone): Jimmy, you gave me your word. Your word! Where is my boy Singleton? Who is this Solomon Jones scrub? What the hell is going on here, Jimmy?!

Dolan: Take it easy Kurt. We couldn't - uh - we couldn't get him because his - uh - Chinese team wouldn't let him out of his deal. Didn't you hear?

Kurt: Yeah, I heard that Jimmy. But then I checked with my man in China. I got him on the other line, let me patch him in. (click)

Marbury: What up, Jimmy? Long time.

Kurt: Tell him, Steph.

Marbury: Yeah, man. Damn. Some people see green when there's no green, you know?

Kurt: English, Steph!

Marbury: Yeah. Singleton's free, man. I just talked to their owner. They don't want him. They want to let him go. I didn't even need to say nothin'. He picked up the phone and was like, "I don't want James Singleton on my team anymore". Except in Chinese. Is Marbury totally fluent in Chinese? Marbury's the best chinese speaking point guard in the whole planet, man.

Dolan: Marbury! You still owe me money, you bastard! And you still owe Isiah an apology. Now... get on your knees.

Marbury: Yeah... that don't end well, Mr. Dolan. Marbury out. (click)

Dolan: I'm not signing Marbury. No way. No way in hell. Well, maybe.

Thomas: So tell me why you signed this Solomon scrub Jones to replace me.

Dolan: I - uh - No speak ingles?

Thomas: Glen?

Glen: Uh....

Thomas: Glen, just tell me, did this have something to do with the blues?

Glen: sigh. Yes, Kurt, that might be accurate.

Thomas: Ok. Dolan, you are going to cut this Jones guy, and sign Singleton.

Glen: That ship might have sailed, Kurt.

Dolan: You don't tell me what to do. (to Glen) He doesn't tell me what to do.

Suddenly, an apparition starts to form above the phone. It is the holographic image of Kurt Thomas.

Glen: Did we get holographic phones? How come I didn't get one?

Dolan: We ....didn't order any holographic phones... too expensive... couldn't get a deal...

Glen: Mr. Dolan? Are you OK?

The image of Kurt Thomas stares at James Dolan. Dolan's eyes grow red and watery, as he nervously shakes, unable to look away. Smoke begins to trickle out of his ears. Sweat begins to pour profusely down his face.

Dolan: Glen!!!! Cut Jones!!! DO IT!!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!

Glen: Yes, sir Mr. Dolan

Kurt: AND???

Dolan: Sign Singleton!

Glen: As I said, that ship may have sailed. Hopefully he'll take my call.

Dolan: Do it.. offer him 10 million if you have to ... just please... PLEAEE!!!!!

As quickly as it appeared the apparition of Kurt Thomas vanished. Silence filled the room.

Glen: So, uh... that went well, wouldn't you say?

Dolan: (humming) ...these new york springs, i bitch and i run, I just signed a guy named....

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