FanPost

Pre-Game Reconnaissance: Knicks vs. Bobcats

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via imgc.allpostersimages.com

Ok, so I know this is a Seth thing normally, but he hasn't been doing many this year. And I think they're funny, so I'm going to try to do my best Seth impression and pen a Pre-Game Reconnaissance and capture maybe 30% of Seth's funny factor in my writing. We need more funny stuff to make this season bearable. Here goes nothing.

Let's meet the new Bobcats, shall we?

Al Jefferson- With all of the money Charlotte paid him this season, Al has decided to turn his focus to backing philanthropic pursuits in his free time. Namely, teaching English to underprivileged cats in the Charlotte area.

Chris Douglas-Roberts- To get ready for the big name change next season, CDR has been coating his genitals in honey and watching the Director's Cut of Natural Beekeeping before bed each night. The Bobcats have insisted that he stop because hotel sheets aren't cheap, but Chris insists it allows him to become "one with the Hornet." Chris' contract only runs through this season.

Anthony Tolliver- Anthony has been on so many teams that he likes to remember his comrades each year by making a scrapbook out of their used tissues. His only missing piece this year is Gerald Henderson, who takes five Cold-Eeze a day because "Tyson's germs are still in my locker."

Cody Zeller- In an attempt to become as good of an NBA player as Bobcats owner Michael Jordan, Cody has been stealing MJ's shoes, throwing them up onto power lines and waiting for a thunderstorm so he can "be just like Lil' Bow Wow in that movie, dude."

Brendan Haywood- In an effort to be more environmentally friendly, Brendan has been training a group of 438 rats to pull him to practice on a bobsled, or as he calls it, "The BobRat Sled," because he's into puns. He hopes the trend will become recognized by the Charlotte government as "the new hybrid," and will propel his political career.

Adventures impersonating Cody Zeller on Omegle:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: girl?

You: guy

Stranger has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi :)

You: hey

Stranger: m/f?

You: m

You: you?

Stranger: m here

You: that's cool

You: how are you?

Stranger: fyn

Stranger: nd u

You: i'm alright

You: just came from practice

Stranger: whr u from

You: indiana

Stranger: wch practice

You: but now i live in charlotte

You: and i'm in ny today

Stranger: me india

You: basketball

You: that's cool

Stranger: okii

You: yeah so what do you do?

Stranger: ur must be a tall guy

You: yeah i am

You: like 6'11"

You: 7' with shoes

Stranger: with long dick too?

You: uh i dunno

You: i mean i don't really go comparing

You: how about you?

Stranger: mine is 7 inch

Stranger: and urs

You: about the same i guess

You: they didn't measure it at the combine so i dunno

Stranger: but very thick too

You: good for you, man

Stranger: ;)

Stranger: so wht u doin ryt nw

You: sitting in film study not paying attention

Stranger: hehe

You: listening to an indian guy talk about his penis

You: you know, the usual

Stranger: me asusual

Stranger: :D

You: well i don't usually talk to you

You: that's why we're on omegle

Stranger: ohh yea

You: so my team is playing a bunch of losers tonight

You: their best player's name sounds like a dessert

Stranger: best of luck for next tym

You: well we shouldn't need luck, they're pretty awful

Stranger: okii

You: anyway i should go my coach is yelling at me

You: good luck with your penis and stuff

Stranger: I think I wana rub him...I need to find a girl...hv to leave

You: ok later dude good luck

Stranger has disconnected.

What are some Rufus on Fire peeps saying about the Knicks?:

That Bargnani gif is so tragically amusing...

That had to suck.

The Knicks are on life support, let's pull the plug tonight!

-Newsinz

Lose 4 in a row after winning 5 in a row?

They're inconsistent for sure. I agree it wouldn't be an upset to win, but if we lose, Im gonna need a scapegoat.

-Panthers FTW

So, the Knicks are now a punchline to Bobcats fans. The Knicks, everyone!

And I was going to try a Jim Todd pep talk but I think that's sacred ground that I just can't walk on. So I'm just gonna sign off. Now you're ready for Knicks-Bobcats!

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