This fanpost is in no way intended to disrespect the incredible, season-sanity-saving Bluecheese. I just felt inspired to come up with some sincerest form of flattery. So, anyway, this was an interesting week in which Dolan sucked. Lots of other things happened too, but most of them also involved Dolan sucking.
Crappy Owner Of The Week - James P. Dolan
This week, in addition to some spectacularly bad Not Firing Woodson, Dolan sucked by working out buyouts with Beno Udrih, and hometown Queens product and lifelong Knick fan Metta World Peace. Take a look back at Metta hugging Clyde upon his signing, then fast forward to this week - you will get a true measure of the magnitude of Dolan's suckitude.
Disgruntled Knick Fan of the Week - Daniel Artest
Ron's brother stood up for all Knick fans by being the first Knick fan since ... um... the day before... to fire off 8 consecutive tweets calling out the Knicks organization for what it is.
Opposing Owner Of The Week
There aren't really any metrics which can deal with the sheer scale of just how much better each opposing owner is. But here's a fun riddle: What do the owners of the Sacramento Kings, Orlando Magic, Washington Wizards, New Orleans Pelicans, and Atlanta Hawks all have in common?
Amazingly, if you add up the suckiness of these 5 owners, over the lifetime of their team ownership, it adds up EXACTLY to the suckiness James Dolan displayed just this week!
Tim Hardaway Jr. Is Better Than His Dad AND Kobe Bryant
Neither Tim Hardaway, Sr. or Kobe Bryant had to play for a team owned by James Dolan in their rookie years. Therefore, there's really no comparison. If you adjust for owner suckiness, Jr. is 1000394 times as good as those guys.
Greencheese's Rambling Stat of the Week
If you adjust for owner suckiness, even 'Da Gawd' Chris Smith's rookie stats are exactly the same as those of Kobe Bryant in his rookie year. The year after Kobe's rookie year, James Dolan took over the Knicks. If you add up all of Kobe's points, assists, rebounds, and steals throughout his career, it exactly equals the ways in which James Dolan was sucky as an owner through August 1, 2012. On August 1, 2012, the Knicks signed Chris Smith to his first contract . Though he injured his knee and was waived, Chris Smith continued to hang around the team until he ate too much of the postgame buffet on April 12, 2013, and vomited all over the locker room floor. The vomit was exactly the same composition as James Dolan's ownership style. Coincidentally, that night, Kobe ruptured his achilles, rendering his Achilles 0 percent effective as a tendon. Also on that night, James Dolan's management of the team was 0 percent effective. Kobe stays out until December 8, 2013, when he returns. OK, it would be cool if that was also the day that Chris Smith was released again from the Knicks. But the fact that it wasn't just means Dolan sucks that much more.
This Week In Jared Jeffries HIstory
This week, in every year that Jared Jeffries lived up until now, he was a better owner of the Knicks than James Dolan. Even though he didn't own the Knicks at all during any of those weeks.
Dolan sucks. Every stat ever recorded for any player that ever played proves this basic and inescapable fact. Oh, and one more thing. Dolan sucks.