Dear all hominids, humanoids, ammonoids, cephalopods. Bereft little boys of basketball-new york have failed up pon the game we scrawl on our tombs as real life. Bust entirely as I unboldly predictate the future we shall procure, at the vast end of our 2015-16 hooks. Yarmelo the bard, scrod and stidaff. Unventure through mine eye the busted, everlasted Knicker-debauchers. Come, now.
It is the summer, the piss-cured pavement has had its first rain-soaking. A bee flumps into a condo's silk-flower garden, lucky to extract the urine of a raccoon's day lit dick. The exhaust of disease and famine float wearily into the afternoon, where it will sit and stink, and be ours to ignore.
Pablo's non-guaranteed deal is liquidated, he moves on to Golden State for a final play at an nba championship. Amar'e lumbers to the exit, and signs a small deal to play in Orlando for an elton brandian three seasons. 15 minutes here and there, always making an impact, never making a difference. Imanz Schubert signs with the Hotlanta Awks, for a reasonable 7 million a year average, backloaded for 3 seasons that the Debauchers decline to match. Kenyon Martin retires to become a nets assistant coach. Cole Aldrich is sniffing bench ass in Detroit where Jorts has left a foul depression at the end of a familiar and bizarre rotation. Jeremy Tyler sneers his way onto the Oklahoma City bench. Toure Murry, stars for baloncesto fuenlabrada, in a fast paced, high pressure, attacking style. World Peace doesn't give us a chance, thats all i'm saying. Beno Udrih is long gone, playing meaningless minutes for the pellies, gettin greased before games with d-wade boggs, but thats another story.
The Knicks draft Kristaps Porzingis with the nineteenth pick in the 2015 draft. He will spend the next four seasons developing in Sevilla. Who, (un)surprisingly gets bodied by Fuenlabrada in ACB play.
Yarmelo re-signed the year prior, 5 year maximilian. thats a sloppy 30 on your cap space. Penguine picks up his player option for 4.5 because, HA! JR opts out, but re-signs for 8 million per over 4 years. Bargs sticks us up for 4.6 million for 4 years with a player option in the third and fourth year. Tyson sticks around, but is not on speaking terms with anyone. He gets 9 million a year for two seasons, with a player option for the third. Tim Hardaway Jr has ascended to the starting role, but coach Corbin won't give him more than 25 minutes a game because his defense is not always up to par.
The previous off-season saw the additions of Udonis Haslem and Marshon Brooks. Those two and their newly re-upped core, bring the salary to just about 60 million. Thankfully the cap has increased to 69.5 million. We use the entire remaining space to sign Paul Chillsap. Then split the mid-level exception on cory joseph (spurs decline to match) and wayne ellington. veteran's minimum contract for carlos boozer and chris smith rounds things out, and there you have it!
Heard it here first, buggies. Don't step on the broken glass when the lights are off!
PG- Penguin / Cory Joseph
SG- Tim Hardaway Jr / Jr Smith / Wayne Ellington / Marshon Brooks
SF- Yarmelo P'Anthony
PF- Paul Chillsap / Andrea Bargs / Carlos Bargser / Udarnis Harslem
C- Tysonious Chandlevarian
we got this.