The following is a status I posted the other day on Facebook. I don't post on here often (I read this site a lot) and this season has been so miserable that I haven't been reading P&T much lately because I'm completely flustered by the Knicks and don't need to purposely depress myself. If you're language squeamish, don't keep reading, I'm frustrated by my favorite basketball team being absolute junk for what seems forever now and this season is pushing me to the brink of Barclay's. Here goes the post:
Ok Phil Jax, Uber Knicks Fan wants your ear. Please listen up.
Step 1 - play 4th and long and punt JR Smith as far away from Madison Square Garden as possible. Might I suggest back to China? Ya GONE! Stupid pothead drunky garbage everyday but Wednesday 6th Man of the Year ONLY because it was a contract year cancerous flunky! Smells ya!
Step 2 - force Woody to install the triangle or dump him yesterday for Steve Kerr. IsoMelo is shit ball, and Melo is made for Tex Winter style offense.
Step 3 - lose that horrendous garbage switching defense crap. Teach these fools to fight through or around picks. I don't ever want to see an undersized NY 1 guard d'ing up LeBron or Dwight Howard while Bargnani is on a lightning quick guard again!
Step 4 - guard our precious few draft picks with your life. Stop the destruction of Shump and Timmy Jr.'s psyche by telling them you're going to trade them every 45.3 milliseconds. Shump is the heart of the team, that little ritual he does before games is genius. HE'S YOUR ACE!
Step 5 - this is the biggie. Somehow you've gotta convince that baked clam brain Jim Dolan that you and your team can make him look better if he just sits back and allows you to work. His nepotistic king sized ego must be put in check.
Step 6 - punch Isaiah Thomas directly in his nurts if he even gets as close as Cape May, New Jersey to Madison Square Garden.
Step 7 - Pablo is your point guard. Felton sux. That's all I got for that. We lost Lin. Past tense. Again, our owner is a bufoon.
Step 8 - just a bonus. Can you beg Metta to come back. AND ACTUALLY FRIGGIN PLAY HIM!? Once again with Dolan sucking cheese through yogurt straws.
Step 9 - if Stat can't stay healthy and play like the beast we all know he can for the rest of this year, you're gonna have to smash his knees with a ball peen hammer, end his career for good and eat the remainder of his contract. Can you also ban him from fire extinguishers?
Step 10 - Bargs? Bah, we got jobbed. Don't deal with the Craptors nor Denver. Ever! EVER!!! Bargs is a backup 4. Use Aldrich as your backup to Tyson. Use Aldrich as the backup 5. Use Aldrich as the backup 5. Use Aldrich...
Can you do it? Cuz if you can, you'd own NY and there would NEVER be any debate about who was the greatest basketball mind ever.