My KTO-ed games haul a respectable 4-6 matchup into a near unwinnable TNT thursday game against Boston. I hope Marv Albert announces. To be honest, Mike Breen still sounds wrong, knowing that somewhere out there, Marv Albert is announcing a team that isn't the Knicks. I'm not sure, but I think this was the last time Marv announced a Knicks game, let alone yelled "YES!" I'm hopin he's in the building.
Now get to know the superteam from Beantown!

#20, Ray Allen: In 1998, Ray starred in the Spike Lee film "He Got Game" with Denzel Washington. Actually, let me rephrase that. In 1998, Ray Allen and Denzel Washington appeared in the Spike Lee film "He Got Game", which starred Gus Johnson and John Wallace.

#42, Tony Allen: Tony is actually the only Amish player in the NBA, choosing to drive a horse-buggy from city to city instead of planes. He actually just made it to Boston for the first time last week after learning of his draft status in 2004
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#11, Glen Davis: When Glen found out that Leon Powe wore his customary #0, he tried to unhinge his jaws and fit them around Powe's head, like a snake swallows it's prey. This is when Davis remembered that Leon Powe's flesh contained a venom capable of killing a human with a single drop - a self defense mechanism Powe has developed over millenia of adaptation.

#5, Kevin Garnett: Don't tell anyone, but KG still never knew the difference between Minneapolis and St. Paul.

#50, Eddie House: An Eddie House in captivity will not mate by himself. His keepers have to show him videos of other Eddie Houses mating and put him in a room with an ovulating female Eddie House. Only then will his courtship commence.  

#43, Kendrick Perkins: Kendrick has been actively trying to lose games for the Celtics, because, I mean, come on. Fuckin Sox, man.  Fuckin Sox.

#34, Paul Pierce: I don't have a joke, I was just wondering: how the fuck do you get stabbed 8 times and, like, not die? How bad do you have to be at stabbing to stab them 8 times and not kill them?

#66, Scot Pollard: Scot turned to basketball after getting laid off from his previous job as an ogre.

#41, James Posey: James Posey's rage produces 8 percent of Massachussetts' natural energy.

#0, Leon Powe: A quickly cancelled timeout contest to pump up the crowd at the TD BankNorth Garden was called "Try Not to be Killed by Leon Powe", in which a randomly chosen competitor from the crowd had 30 seconds to escape from a Minotaur-esque labrynth with Leon Powe inside, or else they would be torn asunder by Powe. Winners recieved a $50 gift certificate to Modells. There were no winners.

#13, Gabe Pruitt: Gabe hasn't gotten many minutes this year, because he is followed everywhere he goes by a small flock of songbirds, chipmunks and other assorted woodland creatures, often resulting in multiple techincal fouls against the Celtics.

#9, Rajon Rondo: Rajon models his game after the lamprey.

#44, Brian Scalabrine: Brian pitched the idea to David Stern to make an "NBA Redheads" pin-up calendar. It all seemed like it was going well, until the photo shoot, when Robert Swift put on a bikini. 8 people died.

#8, Brandon Wallace: Brandon has yet to talk to Kevin Garnett. Or Ray Allen. Or Kendrick Perkins. Or Brian Scalabrine. Or Scot Pollard. He once accidentally put on Gabe Pruitt's socks in the locker room.

Nota de Editor: For more of Barnesgasm at his best, read this post.