So the other day, Seth allowed me to appoint myself to the role of Deputy Knower of the Opponents. It's a role I will fill until I come up with a better idea for pregame stupidity, which I'm actively trying to do. But for now, I'm gonna drop in here on gamedays and rip off the KTO format. For those of you "ethical" folks, Seth gave me permission, so it's cool.

All of us should give Seth props for what he did last year, coming up with one of these for every damn team the Knicks played over the last few months of the season. Maybe it gets easier as time goes on, but let me tell you: this shit is realy hard, so everyone thank Seth. Mentally.

And with that, I present to you some facts you might not have known about the Minnesota Timberwolves.

#22, Corey Brewer: Corey expresses all his emotions through smiley faces. Online, this is merely annoying. Offline, it's terrifying.

#7, Greg Buckner: Upon learning he had been traded to the Timberwolves from Dallas in exchange for Trenton Hassell, Greg stared deep into the eyes of the head-to-toe life sized model of Trenton Hassell he has been keeping his miniature Hassell shrine, and softly muttered "so close... yet so far..."

#51, Michael Doleac: Can't figure out why the kids like "the Soldier Boy" so much.

#4, Randy Foye:  Every saturday, Randy shows up at a different Bar Mitzvah, yells "THIS is what I call the cha cha slide!", then he puts on a fucking clinic on cha cha sliding, and then he leaves without a word, leaving a crowd of awed thirteen year olds wondering where Randy Foye goes when he's not out saving the world, one bar mitzvah at a time.

#8, Ryan Gomes: Plans on using the recording studio left vacant by ex-Wolf Troy Hudson to pursue his first passion, klezmer.

#15, Gerald Green: Has these two Dropkick Murphys t-shirts he has no idea what to do with.

#55, Marko Jaric: Marko Jaric has been banned from multiple hotel pools due to his belief that the rules of "Marco Polo" involve cursing in Serbian at confused children and then wringing the life out of them with his bare hands for their insolence.

#25, Al Jefferson: Al prepared for his Timberwolves tenure by watching the movie "Teen Wolf" over and over again. The team's new offensive strategy is "try and get Al Jefferson to transform into a motherfucking werewolf".

#35, Mark Madsen: Mark contemplated suicide when he realized his second coming was Rony Turiaf.

#1, Rashad McCants: Rashad recorded a rap album under the rap name "Mashad RcCants"

#42, Theo Ratliff: Many people think Theo Ratliff's shotblocking
proficiency is an on-court thing, but in reality, he spends his days hanging around restaurants, waiting for people to try and eat shit, and then swatting it the fuck out of their hands.

#32, Chris Richard: Chris thought that being drafted and leaving
Florida would finally allow him to break off his relationship with his UF girlfriend. Unfortunately, he soon found out that Joakim Noah can do long-distance.

#5, Craig Smith: Craig Smith's hips lie. Frequently.

#3, Sebastian Telfair: Sebastian had a grand master plan for a film trilogy of which "Through the Fire" was only the first part. He is still searching for studios to pick up his screenplays for "Wait, I Probably should Rethink this" and "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck"

#24, Antoine Walker: Antoine's brief career as an MLB pinch-runner was cut short when he justified rounding third on a easy play at the plate because "you can't score five-basers", prompting reporters to call his remarks "the dumbest fucking shit I've ever heard."