Editor's Note: In my absence of creativity, the fresh prince himself, Barnesgasm has taken over the reigns of pre-game silliness. If you like what you see, check out The Son of Dippin. The Knicks take on the Nuggets in New York tomorrow night.

#15, Carmelo Anthony: The other day, Mardy Collins beat the crap out of Carmelo Anthony at Wii Boxing.

#12, Chucky Atkins: Chucky is an NBA player only to support the needs of his family. On off-days, he pursues his true dream, being a middle-school janitor.

#23, Marcus Camby: Most NBA players take pride in having fancy, tricked out cars, but Marcus chooses to appararate from place to place.

#25, Anthony Carter: Despite being recruited by powerhouse basketball colleges across the land, Anthony chose to attend the University of Hawaii because of it's excellent journalism program.

#5, Yakhouba Diawara: Nobody has the heart to tell Yakhouba that he's Japanese.

#45, Steven Hunter: As a 7'0 tall black man, Steven knew his time as the 6th member of *NSync was going to come to a close eventually, but he still wishes it could have ended differently from the way it did.

#3, Allen Iverson: Allen entertains his teammates by calling out plays in a variety of hilarious impressions. His personal favorite is a pretentious British royal character he's been working on, but he still thinks it needs some work.

#11, Bobby Jones: Bobby Jones prepares for games by nodding off after sipping brandy in his rocking chair in front of a fireplace.

#43, Linas Kleiza: This might be breaking the bounds of what is KTO-able, but I'll do it anyway. Linas is Carmelo's babydaddy. I wrote that a while ago, so don't blame me for the poor quality and general disgustingness of the post.

#4, Kenyon Martin: In an attempt to promote their brand, the global superstore corporation K-Mart decided to give Kenyon Martin new knees in 2002. Unfortunately, the decision backfired, when, like most K-Mart products, the handiwork of 13 year old Malaysian children did not hold up as well as expected.

#21, Eduardo Najera: Until recently, Eduardo's knowledge of basketball consisted solely of information from the video game "NBA Jam". Coach Karl has spent the last few years n trying to explain substitutions, rosters that contain more than two players, out of bounds, goaltending, offensive and defensive strategies, non-exaggerated gravity, fouls, the lack of hot spots, and the fact that hitting or missing three consecutive shots will not change physical make-up of the ball, but Eduardo doesnt grasp any of this new information.

#31, Nenê: Hailing from a country known for supermodels, soccer, samba, sexyness, and extreme poverty, Nenê has achieved status as somewhat of a national hero in Brazil, due to his position as a rich fat lump of shit.

#1, J.R. Smith: In the year 2017, a rapper trying to imitate the mild success rapper JR Writer has garnered by naming himself after former NBA player JR Rider will call himself "J.R. WordSmith". He will sell 38 albums.

#22, Von Wafer: Every day, when Von wakes up, he goes into his kid's bedroom, yells "FUCK YOU!" and gives the finger to each of his two kids, Nilla and Communion.

#29, Mike Wilks: Mike Wilks shot JFK. All by himself.