I have no witty comments. Just read.

#20, JamesOn Curry: JamesOn has tried to get opponents to stop yelling "JamesOff!" every damn time he shoots.

#9, Luol Deng: On defense, Luol likes to trick his opponent into looking at his hand while holding his thumb and pointer finger in a circle and his other three fingers extended outward, entitling him to stop play and punch them once as hard as he can in the arm.

#21, Chris Duhon: Chris takes pride in being the league's most emo player. He doesn't need friends.

#7, Ben Gordon: Ben isn't sure whether he's prouder to be the league's first chick with a dick or the league's best chick with a dick.

#34, Aaron Gray: In addition to his on court prowess, Aaron also knows how to tinkle the ivories. By which I mean he likes to find rhinoceroses or elephants and piss on their horns.

#44, Adrian Griffin: Adrian is consistently considered the least funny parts of "Family Guy". In a recent episode in which Brian tries to kick his alcoholic habit by going cold turkey while Peter acquires fame after winning an international beer drinking competition, Adrian disrupts the flow of the episode by scoring 3 points and recording 2 rebounds on 1-3 shooting, 1-2 from the line, in 5 minutes of action, and then leaving for the rest of the episode, not having furthered the plot at all.

#12, Kirk Hinrich: Kirk has a pregame ritual involving a tub of butter, candles, a midget's femur bone, a quart of pepto bismol, and feathers. I don't know what it is, but I wouldn't come within 32 feet of his butthole if you paid me.

#38, Viktor Khryapa: Viktor was suspended for a week last season after Scott Skiles found that he was being "too adorable".

#35, Demetris Nichols: Demetris has already been cut in his two month long career to make room for Fred Jones and Anderson Varejao. This time, he's taking defense against roster cuts by poisoning Anfernee Hardaway's food.

#13, Joakim Noah: There are laws against bringing Joakim Noah's hair into 31 states of the Union, Puerto Rico, and Guam.
#5, Andres Nocioni: Andres just learned how to do the "Chicken Noodle Soup".

#2, Thabo Sefolosha: Secretly, Thabo hates yodeling and neutrality, but if that was known back in the motherland, he could be sentenced to death and executed by the Swiss Army's dreaded "watch/multifunctional pocket knife hurling" unit.
#32, Joe Smith: Joe is nondescript.

#24, Tyrus Thomas: When Tyrus gets bored, he goes building hopping.

#3, Ben Wallace: It's a wig.