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Just when you thought you'd heard every way to "fix the Knicks"...

Art Rondeau comes along and BLOWS YOUR MIND! Not really, but after a slew of articles on how we can "fix" this mess of a team, his is certainly a unique perspective. In today's guest post at Marc Berman's blog, Rondeau (a little background) suggests the Knicks might need a little "peak performance coaching":

PPC utilizes Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) that identifies what each player's brain is doing when he is in his "mental zone" so we can put him back there for each game.

That would improve each player's shooting to around 50%. Elite shooters would be closer to 55% (Allan Houston shot 58% on his PPC program and just 42% off it). Hitting half their shots, the Knicks would start winning immediately. Currently near the bottom of the league in PPG, FG%, 3Pt%, and FT%, the Knicks would be in the Top 5 in those categories in about a week. Those are easily tracked statistics that verify the effectiveness of the PPC program, just as they did with Allan.

Next, we'd look at defense and rebounding, again identifying what's going on in their brains when they're doing it well and eliminating any conflicts that would impede their performances (like negative beliefs about how well they can do it). We'd expect to see immediate improvement in those areas as well.

We'd then look at "team beliefs". Things like "we can't win on the road" or "we don't play well in the second game of back-to-backs". Changing those beliefs is vital to a team's success.

Alright! I'd be interested to see what each Knick's brain processes are like. Most interesting, however, (and some commenters express this), is the bizarre mind of Isiah Thomas. Read more to see my idea of Isiah's brain anatomy, as well as my first attempt to use Powerpoint as a sort of ghetto Photoshop.



Pink- Rotational Lobe: Responsible for thoughts regarding starting lineups and allocation of minutes. Characterized by brief and unpredictable storms of electrical activity.

Orange- Deceptive Lobe: Produces statements to media. Inconsistent and sometimes completely fallacious. Source of "I have no interest in coaching,. I don't think I'll ever coach the New York Knicks."

Yellow- Offensive Lobe: Produces hostile emotional responses to a number of stimuli, including "bitches", white people, Knick fans, and Bill Simmons.

Green- Indifferent Lobe: Inhibits emotion during times of distress. Responsible for seated position and dumb, glassy smile during a blowout loss.

Blue- Arizabellum: Secretes hormones when presented with lanky 6'8'' swingmen with exceptional leaping ability and little hand-eye coordination.

Gray- Chicagothalamus: The "gateway" of the brain. Constant reminder of hardscrabble upbringing. All brainwaves pass through this region.