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Know the Opponent: Washington Wizards

Meet the Wizards!

#0 Gilbert Arenas- One day last summer, a 9 year-old boy named Billy spilled some grape soda on Gilbert's new pants. Billy was apologetic, but Gilbert vowed revenge. 6 months later, Gilbert showed up in Billy's hometown and single-handedly scored 188 points against his CYO team.

#32 Andray Blatche- Andray has emailed David Stern several times to make sure his neon pimp outfits are within the dress code.

#52 Calvin Booth- Calvin could actually be considered a foreign player, because his father was a Hungarian oak tree.

#3 Caron Butler- While in prison, Caron grew several inches and honed his NBA-ready basketball game. He was more known among the inmates, however, for his delightfully soothing back rubs.

#6 Antonio Daniels- The human brain is not quick enough to perceive it, but Antonio actually plays for every single NBA team simultaneously.

#42 Mike Hall- Mike spends most of his practice time taking pictures with his favorite Washington players.

#24 Jarvis Hayes- Jarvis makes Eddie Jordan read him "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" before every home game, and "Goodnight Moon" before every road game.

#33 Brendan Haywood- Brendan can sometimes be found weeping in the Wizards locker room because none of his teammates enjoy his homemade biscotti.

#4 Antawn Jamison- An early, rejected prototype of "NBA Street" featured Antawn as its cover athlete. The gamer could score style points for moves like the "mid-range jumper" and the "baby hook shot".

#8 Roger Mason- Roger was fined by the Wizards organization for eating all the team towels.

#51 Michael Ruffin- Michael uses advanced calculus and trigonometry to figure out the appropriate trajectory on his free throws, even going so far as to pull out paper and pencil at the line. Michael leads the league in 10-second violations.

#9 Darius Songaila- Darius hosted a Lithuanian culture night for his teammates at his own home. Only Mike Hall showed up.

#2 Deshawn Stevenson- Because Deshawn only speaks to his peers that shoot about 50% from the field, his wife has been desperately trying to work on her mid-range accuracy.

#21 Donell Taylor- Just like his teammate Gilbert Arenas, Donell writes frequenly on his very own blog. His, however, is about model trains.

#36 Etan Thomas- Etan regularly holds poetry brainstorm sessions with J.J. Redick and Rashad McCants.

Those are your Washington Wizards. Game thread cominatcha a little later. Peace.