Meet the Cavaliers!
#6 Shannon Brown- Shannon, like Kobe Bryant before him, is splitting time between basketball and an ongoing court case. Shannon's case, however, is over whether or not he can legally change his first initial to a dollar sign.
#1 Daniel Gibson- Daniel was sad that Cleveland drafted him. He was hoping to land in Miami or Orlando, or really any place where he could find seashells to add to his collection.
#90 Drew Gooden- If you look closely, the small patch of hair on the back of Drew's head is actually a vagina.
#32 Larry Hughes- Larry makes a point of keeping to a rigorous, slimming diet, but sometimes, when nobody's around, he sneaks in an extra celery stalk between meals. He then looks in the mirror and cries at what a fat slob he's become.
#11 Zydrunas Ilgauskas- Although he's a clumsy, injury-prone big man, Zydrunas can pick off an infant lynx with an M40 sniper rifle from 250 yards away.
#23 LeBron James- LeBron has embraced his role as a leader and mentor for the rookies, teaching Shannon Brown to catch a cookie off of his nose and training Daniel Gibson to "heel".
#19 Damon Jones- Damon is gradually building himself a global empire. Along with promoting sneakers in Asia, he has taken endorsements for facial cream in Denmark, mosquito repellent in Portugal, and instant grits in Bhutan.
#27 Dwayne Jones- Every game, Dwayne strives to count all of the floorboards on the Quicken Loans Arena court. He always loses count somewhere around halfcourt, though.
#24 Donyell Marshall- Donyell and Coach Mike Brown have a deal going this season. After any game that Donyell scores 10 or more points, Brown will feed him cupcake frosting with a spoon, just like mommy used to do.
#14 Ira Newble- Despite his deceiving name, Ira is not an elderly Jewish man.
#3 Sasha Pavlovic- Sasha is bald now, but he didn't get his head shaven. He was born with detachable hair, like a Lego man.
#31 Scot Pollard- After his on-camera blunder of encouraging kids to do drugs, Scot's upcoming commencement speeches for the Harvard and Yale classes of '07 were both cancelled.
#20 Eric Snow- While most players quench their thirst with Gatorade during timeouts, Eric enjoys a nice cup or two of maple syrup.
#17 Anderson Varejao- When Anderson came out of the womb, he already had a full head of long, curly hair. And a headband.
#4 David Wesley- When David gets sweaty, he just flaps his ears to cool off.
Those are your Cleveland Cavaliers. I'll be back tomorrow with your game thread. Peace.
Note: I'm not positive, but the Game Thread might be up unusually late tomorrow. I'll try my best to get it up. (That's what she said!)