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Pre-Game Reconnaissance: Knicks vs. Cavaliers- 3/4/11

We've gotten to know the "Cavaliers" pretty well this season, but do you really KNOW them? Probably not. Take the jump.

Odds and Ends!

- The Cavaliers have won 11 games this season. Two of those have been against the Knicks. Yuck.

- Antawn Jamison, who hit some big shots in these two teams' last meeting, is out for the next month or two with a finger injury.

- Baron Davis, meanwhile will be making his debut as a Cavalier this evening.

- The Cavs have held the Knicks to 40-ish percent shooting in each of their previous two match-ups. That should be avoided this time around.

Wassup with the Cavs!?

Well, as Fear the Sword tells it, they're learning to accommodate yet another injury to a key player:

The Cavaliers have dealt with injuries all season. They've done their best to cope with the extended absences of Anderson Varejao, Mo Williams, and Daniel Gibson. And now they'll do their best to live without Jamison. As usual, the Cleveland faithful are forced to search for the silver lining. Luckily for you, I have done the required heavy-lifting in this regard. While the veteran presence that Jamison provides on the court cannot be replicated, the injury gives the newcomers from the Boston Celtics a chance to immediately become acclimated with the team. For however long the Cavs are without Jamison, his 33 minutes per game will likely be spread among Erden, Harangody, and Samardo Samuels, providing the youngsters with the opportunity for even more on-court experience.

Know the Opponent!

#9 Semih Erden- Semih misses playing with a championship contender, but he's also happy to be free of the pre-game ritual in which Kevin Garnett set fire to all of his belongings and repeatedly called him a "Turkey bitch" while strangling him.

#12 Joey Graham- Joey patterns his game after Big Slammu, the Street Shark. He still hasn't received a response from the league regarding his petition to be allowed to play games on a skateboard.

#5 Ryan Hollins- By night, Ryan sells human limbs illegally out the back of a Dodge Sprinter. He keeps the longest, most valuable ones for himself.

#18 Anthony Parker- It's hard to see on television, but Anthony plays most of each game with a booger dangling from his right nostril.

#24 Samardo Samuels- At home, Samardo's pre-game meal consists of whole-grain rice, mixed greens, a baked sweet potato, and some grilled free-range ballboy.

#3 Ramon Sessions- Ramon's forthcoming debut album features eight tracks of pan flute songs that he wrote and recorded. It's called-- you guessed it-- The Ramon Sessions.

Jared Jeffries's Joke Junction!


Alright, so, a priest, a rabbi, and a Cleveland Cavalier walk into a bar. The priest sits down-- well, he doesn't sit down but he just walks right up to the bar and he's like "bartender, I'd like a beer" and the bartender is like "do you want ice in your beer?" and the priest is like "no, no thank you. Who has ice in their beer?". And then the rabbi sits down at the bar and he also orders a beer. Actually, he orders a glass of wine and the bartender is like "do you want a glass of wine"-- I mean, "do you want some ice in your glass of wine?" and the bartender-- I mean the rabbi is like "no I don't want ice in my glass of wine. Who has ice in their glass of wine?". And then the Cleveland Cavalier goes to the bar and he asks for a beer and the bartender is like "do you want ice in it?" and he's like "Yes! I'll have--"...oh wait. Shit. He's like "Yes! I'll have a beer!" and then the bartender is like...wait...nevermind. Fuck. Whatever. The point is the Cavs really suck.

All of the Cavs have body part nicknames!

Daniel Gibson: "Boobie"
Baron Davis: "Tummy"
Semih Erden: "Muzzle"
Christian Eyenga: "L-Bow"
Alonzo Gee: "Gee-Spot"
Joey Graham: "'Cep"
Luke Harangody: "Trunk"
Manny Harris: "Gumz"
J.J. Hickson: "Adrenal Gland"
Ryan Hollins: "Spine"
Antawn Jamison: "Zonule of Zinn"
Anthony Parker: "Lap"
Samardo Samuels: "Gunt"
Ramon Sessions: "Brow Daddy"
Anderson Varejao: "Pudenda"

Here is a picture of the opposing coach!


And now you know the Cavaliers. Game thread coming later.