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Report: Owners Propose "Carmelo Rule"

A report from ESPN's Marc Stein, found via Pro Basketball Talk's Kurt Helin details the importance of this weekend's meetings between NBA owners and the NBAPA (pronounced BA-pa. The "N" is silent). Stein includes a list of proposed rule changes that would be instituted as alternatives to a monolithic hard cap. One such alternative is named after Carmelo Anthony, and it goes like this:

A new "Carmelo Rule" that would prevent teams --

Wait! I'll stop Marc right there. I bet I can guess this: A new "Carmelo Rule" that would prevent teams...

 ...from hoarding basketballs so that Carmelo might not have any basketballs. Everybody must provide Carmelo with at least one of the basketballs.

...from permitting their players to wear headbands. Only Carmelo must wear headbands. Bill Walker, too, if he picks a different color.

...from charming. Nobody must charm except for Carmelo. Nobody must have a cherubic grin or pinchable cheeks except for Carmelo.

...from skipping "La La's Full Court Life" on Mondays at 9/8 Central. Everybody must watch "La La's Full Court Life" on Mondays at 9/8 Central.

...from touching Carmelo. Nobody may touch Carmelo unless they are La La.

...from doing jab-steps. Jab-stepping is Carmelo's game.

...from defending Carmelo's jab-steps with aplomb. Everybody must be beguiled by Carmelo's jab-steps.

Yeah, it's definitely the last one, or perhaps a combination of the last two. Right, Marc?

A new "Carmelo Rule" that would prevent teams -- as the New York Knicks did in February with Anthony -- from using a Bird exception to sign or extend a player acquired by trade unless they are acquired before July 1 of the final season of the player's contract

Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. That seems like an alright "Carmelo Rule".