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Pre-Game Reconnaissance: Knicks at Heat- 1/27/11

They sound hot.

What's up with the Heat?

From David Dwork of Peninsula Is Mightier:

Lately the topics surrounding the Miami Heat have been injury related. Dwyane Wade has missed the last six games suffering from an ankle sprain, but is expected back any day. You would think the Heat would suffer with Wade out of the lineup, but they have gone 5-1 in the six games he's missed with the ankle sprain, and are 8-1 this season in games Wade has sat out.

Despite not having D-Wade in the lineup, Miami has gotten a bit healthier of late, welcoming Eddy Curry and Mike Miller back from injury. Miller has been on fire since returning, hitting 9-of-15 from downtown in the 6 games he's played this season. As for Curry, the Heat have been taking their time inserting him into the rotation. He hadn't played in an NBA game since December of 2009, but since signing with Miami he has lost over 70lbs and could be on the brink of a revamped career. In limited minutes he has shown flashes of the offensive skills that he was known for before going on his 'hiatus'.

Meet the new Heats*!

*(I've made this joke elsewhere, but I'm of the opinion that a member of the Heat should be called a "Degree" or a "Joule")

Shane Battier- Shane, always on the hunt for tactical advantages over his opponents, has been studying Pennsylvania Dutch hexwork and spends days preparing curses for each of his opponents. So far, he's successfully caused Kobe Bryant's milk cow to go dry and Joe Johnson's teeth to ache.

Norris Cole- Norris has been quietly recruiting Juwan Howard and Dexter Pittman to join him forming their own "Big Three" to overthrow the preexisting one in a bloodless coup.

Eddy Curry- Any grudge Eddy still holds against the Knicks stems mainly from Mike D'Antoni's unfulfilled promise to let him do hula hoop tricks at halftime of a Knicks game.

Mickell Gladness- Despite his cheery name, Mickell is prone to intermittent bouts of MIckell Sadness and, on the rarest of occasions, Mickel Wackness.

Terrel Harris- Heat staff members have found that Terrel is easily distracted from the fact that he doesn't get much playing time because he, like a cat, can be occupied with chasing the light of a laser pointer for hours on end.

Adventures in Impersonating Juwan Howard on Omegle!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hello

You: Why hello

Stranger: thats nomaly what you say to start a covo

You: oh no

You: mine was a "Why, hello!"

You: the "why" is sort of a throwaway thing but it has a nice effect i think

You: sounds cheery

Stranger: yeahhh but i get you

Stranger: the next normal queston asl

You: ah, yes

You: male/86/miami

Stranger: female/69/nebraska

Stranger: ;)

You: oh, excellent!

You: i don't meet too many people my age here

You: (or close to it)

Stranger: looking for a younger women

Stranger: tell me about it

You: yeah, i suppose you were in diapers when i was in high school

Stranger: its normally full of sex ridden teenagers

You: actually forget i said that

You: sorry, that's rude

Stranger: yeah haha

You: yeah, i'm tired of these sex crazed teens

Stranger: same

Stranger: its gross

You: always trying to dunk on me

You: seriously

Stranger: what?

You: what what?

Stranger: haha dont worrry, how are you this fine evening?

You: well, it's only 2 pm here, but i'm well

You: i have to work tonight

Stranger: good good

Stranger: owh where? thought you would have retired by now

You: yeah, i get that a lot

Stranger: haha im sure you do

You: i work at american airlines arena

You: as a back-up power forward/center

You: and also locker room presence

Stranger: oh nice

You: yeah, it's alright

You: i don't actually play very much

You: not like i used to

You: i mostly just sit on the bench and eat pistachios

You: occasionally high five people

You: it gets dull, but i can think of worse ways to spend an evening.

Stranger: you high five at 86

You: hell yeah

You: i can still do the cabbage patch son

Stranger: we're good at this witty chat

Stranger: bye

You: yes, you've been a delightful companion

You: aw, alright

You: i'll just go back to ironing my slacks

Stranger: thank you,you too have been great you talk to

You: i love you

Stranger: you have fun know

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Mike Bibby Scouts the Heat

Since Bibby spent part of last season with the Heat, the Knicks have asked him to provide a brief scouting report on the tendencies of each his former teammates.

Dwyane Wade- Dwyane's recent diary entries suggest that his ankle may be hurting him more than he's letting on.

Chris Bosh- Chris only trims his pubic hair on weekends, and the subsequent skin irritation makes him a step slow to help out on shooters.

Mario Chalmers- Mario's urine has been unusually yellow recently, which leads me to believe that he's not hydrating properly and might get worn down in the second half.

LeBron James- If you put mascara on LeBron's face while he's sleeping, he tends to be more turnover-prone in the ensuing day's game.

Joel Anthony- I found a bunch of K-Nex in Joel's suitcase one time, which I thought was a really creepy thing for him to have.

Steve Novak Has A Beautiful Mind


Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, and LeBron James wear the numbers 1, 3, and 6-- the first three in the series of triangular numbers. Perhaps the most famous triangular number in the Bible is 153, the number of fishes netted in the miraculous draught of fishes (John 21:11). John the Baptist is the patron saint of San Juan, Philippines, a city about 50 miles from San Pablo, the city from which Erik Spoelstra's mother Elisa hails. John and Paul were martyred on the same day, June 26th, which is the birthday of both our current point guard Iman Shumpert AND former Knicks point guard Raymond Felton.

I suggest they both watch out. Something is afoot.

And now you're ready for Knicks-Heat!