They sound hot.
What's up with the Heat?
From David Dwork of Peninsula Is Mightier:
Lately the topics surrounding the Miami Heat have been injury related. Dwyane Wade has missed the last six games suffering from an ankle sprain, but is expected back any day. You would think the Heat would suffer with Wade out of the lineup, but they have gone 5-1 in the six games he's missed with the ankle sprain, and are 8-1 this season in games Wade has sat out.
Despite not having D-Wade in the lineup, Miami has gotten a bit healthier of late, welcoming Eddy Curry and Mike Miller back from injury. Miller has been on fire since returning, hitting 9-of-15 from downtown in the 6 games he's played this season. As for Curry, the Heat have been taking their time inserting him into the rotation. He hadn't played in an NBA game since December of 2009, but since signing with Miami he has lost over 70lbs and could be on the brink of a revamped career. In limited minutes he has shown flashes of the offensive skills that he was known for before going on his 'hiatus'.
Meet the new Heats*!
*(I've made this joke elsewhere, but I'm of the opinion that a member of the Heat should be called a "Degree" or a "Joule")
Shane Battier- Shane, always on the hunt for tactical advantages over his opponents, has been studying Pennsylvania Dutch hexwork and spends days preparing curses for each of his opponents. So far, he's successfully caused Kobe Bryant's milk cow to go dry and Joe Johnson's teeth to ache.
Norris Cole- Norris has been quietly recruiting Juwan Howard and Dexter Pittman to join him forming their own "Big Three" to overthrow the preexisting one in a bloodless coup.
Eddy Curry- Any grudge Eddy still holds against the Knicks stems mainly from Mike D'Antoni's unfulfilled promise to let him do hula hoop tricks at halftime of a Knicks game.
Mickell Gladness- Despite his cheery name, Mickell is prone to intermittent bouts of MIckell Sadness and, on the rarest of occasions, Mickel Wackness.
Terrel Harris- Heat staff members have found that Terrel is easily distracted from the fact that he doesn't get much playing time because he, like a cat, can be occupied with chasing the light of a laser pointer for hours on end.
Adventures in Impersonating Juwan Howard on Omegle!
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Why hello
Stranger: thats nomaly what you say to start a covo
You: oh no
You: mine was a "Why, hello!"
You: the "why" is sort of a throwaway thing but it has a nice effect i think
You: sounds cheery
Stranger: yeahhh but i get you
Stranger: the next normal queston asl
You: ah, yes
You: oh, excellent!
You: i don't meet too many people my age here
You: (or close to it)
Stranger: looking for a younger women
Stranger: tell me about it
You: yeah, i suppose you were in diapers when i was in high school
Stranger: its normally full of sex ridden teenagers
You: actually forget i said that
You: sorry, that's rude
Stranger: yeah haha
You: yeah, i'm tired of these sex crazed teens
Stranger: its gross
You: always trying to dunk on me
You: what what?
Stranger: haha dont worrry, how are you this fine evening?
You: well, it's only 2 pm here, but i'm well
You: i have to work tonight
Stranger: good good
Stranger: owh where? thought you would have retired by now
You: yeah, i get that a lot
Stranger: haha im sure you do
You: i work at american airlines arena
You: as a back-up power forward/center
You: and also locker room presence
Stranger: oh nice
You: yeah, it's alright
You: i don't actually play very much
You: not like i used to
You: i mostly just sit on the bench and eat pistachios
You: occasionally high five people
You: it gets dull, but i can think of worse ways to spend an evening.
Stranger: you high five at 86
You: hell yeah
You: i can still do the cabbage patch son
Stranger: we're good at this witty chat
You: yes, you've been a delightful companion
You: aw, alright
You: i'll just go back to ironing my slacks
Stranger: thank you,you too have been great you talk to
You: i love you
Stranger: you have fun know
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Mike Bibby Scouts the Heat
Since Bibby spent part of last season with the Heat, the Knicks have asked him to provide a brief scouting report on the tendencies of each his former teammates.
Dwyane Wade- Dwyane's recent diary entries suggest that his ankle may be hurting him more than he's letting on.
Chris Bosh- Chris only trims his pubic hair on weekends, and the subsequent skin irritation makes him a step slow to help out on shooters.
Mario Chalmers- Mario's urine has been unusually yellow recently, which leads me to believe that he's not hydrating properly and might get worn down in the second half.
LeBron James- If you put mascara on LeBron's face while he's sleeping, he tends to be more turnover-prone in the ensuing day's game.
Joel Anthony- I found a bunch of K-Nex in Joel's suitcase one time, which I thought was a really creepy thing for him to have.
Steve Novak Has A Beautiful Mind
Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, and LeBron James wear the numbers 1, 3, and 6-- the first three in the series of triangular numbers. Perhaps the most famous triangular number in the Bible is 153, the number of fishes netted in the miraculous draught of fishes (John 21:11). John the Baptist is the patron saint of San Juan, Philippines, a city about 50 miles from San Pablo, the city from which Erik Spoelstra's mother Elisa hails. John and Paul were martyred on the same day, June 26th, which is the birthday of both our current point guard Iman Shumpert AND former Knicks point guard Raymond Felton.
I suggest they both watch out. Something is afoot.
And now you're ready for Knicks-Heat!