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Pre-Game Reconnaissance: Knicks at Rockets- 1/28/12

More like...Pockets. Nice.

What's up with the Rockets?

I couldn't get in touch with the Dream Shake folks in time, but you can see their game preview right here.

Meet the new Rockets!

Jeff Adrien- Every night, Jeff spends several hours sitting atop a mound of coal. He's made little progress over several years, but is confident that he can apply enough force over time to produce some homemade diamonds.

Samuel Dalembert- At home games, Samuel insists that a member of the Houston staff drive down to the Gulf mid-way through the second quarter so that he can have a freshly caught mackerel as a halftime snack.

Jonny Flynn- Jonny mail-orders pizzas to his house despite knowing full well that they might take several days and that pizzerias offer speedy delivery. He just loves a surprise.

Marcus Morris- Marcus was extremely disappointed upon arriving at his D-League assignment because he thought the D-League played Slamball, not regular basketball.

Chandler Parsons- Chandler keeps a sharpened pencil in his sock while he's playing because you can never be too prepared.

Adventures in Impersonating Marcus Morris on Omegle

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hey

You: yo

You: this is markieff

Stranger: Markieff?

You: yeah that's my name

You: i am markieff

You: i'm totally markieff

Stranger: Okay lol

Stranger: So that's a guy name right

You: yes it is

You: i'm a twin you know

You: have you met my brother marcus?

You: what do you think of him?

Stranger: That's cool and no I haven't lol

You: ooh well he's a buttface

You: don't you think so?

Stranger: I haven't talked to him so I wouldn't know

You: yeah but wouldn't you think so

You: that he's just a big buttfacer

You: *buttface

Stranger: ...okay?



You: thanks for calling me a buttface you jerk!

Stranger: ...

You: hahahah we look exactly alike

You: that works every time

Stranger: Yeaahhh...I wouldn't know

You: oh man you got punked

You: i can't wait to tell markieff about this

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Knicks-Rockets Connexions

Rockets C Jordan Hill was a first-round draft pick of the Knicks in 2009.

Knicks F Jared Jeffries led the Rockets in scoring, rebounds, assists, and blocks for a nineteen-second stretch in 2010.

Rockets assistant coach Kelvin Sampson once passed Landry Fields on the street and winked at him.

Rockets G Goran Dragic surreptitiously used Amar'e Stoudemire's wireless internet (Name: WARRIORCHIEFSTAT, WEP Password: STATCHAMP1ONDEST1NYMOSES) every night from December 2008 to July 2009.

Both Knicks F Carmelo Anthony and Rockets G Jonny Flynn have, on separate occasions, made drunken romantic advances toward the same statue in Syracuse, New York.

In 1991, Bill Walker attached an old basketball card of Rockets coach Kevin McHale to the spokes of his tricycle to make it sound like a motorcycle.

Jared Jeffries's Joke Junction






Parsons! Ha-HA! Did you think I was gonna say Tyson? Oh. Oh, okay. I guess the response would have been "Who Chandler?" if you were expecting that. Good call. But that's on you, dude. I told a pretty good joke and you dropped the ball.

And now you're ready for Knicks-Rockets!