(Kinda short one today, sorry. Not much time.)
What's up with the Magic?
I asked Evan Dunlap of Orlando Pinstriped Post and here's what he said:
The Magic won their first two games, each by double-digits, but have plummeted back to Earth by losing four straight games. The offense is garbage, for reasons I explained in a post Tuesday morning. There isn't enough three-point shooting, for one thing, and Glen Davis is using more than 30 percent of the team's possessions. Maybe the situation will improve once Jameer Nelson, Hedo Türkoğlu, and Al Harrington are available, but it's ugly for now. All the Knicks need to do is rebound the misses, because Orlando's offense doesn't naturally generate good shots.
Davis guarding Carmelo should be, uh, fun.
Meet the new Magics!
Arron Afflalo- Arron got really, irrevocably attached to a particular toilet in Denver and has petitioned the Magic front office for more away games against the Nuggets so he can poop sometimes.
Gustavo Ayon- Gustavo pre-tests all his teammates' meals for poison because he loves poison and wouldn't want anybody to eat any poison without sharing.
Moe Harkless- Ironically, advanced metrics suggests that Moe is actually one of the league's most harkful players.
Al Harrington- Al is spending his injury rehabilitation period attempting to count every bean in the world. It's taken him a few tries. On day three of his first attempt, he'd counted up to 884 when someone asked him "hey, do string beans count as beans?". Al thought about that too hard and lost count.
DeQuan Jones- DeQuan conserves energy by taking very short naps during dead balls.
Josh McRoberts- Josh embraced the trade to the Magic because it presented an opportunity to confront J.J. Redick about never poking him back on Facebook.
E'Twaun Moore- After vanquishing JaJuan Johnson to his satisfaction in Boston, E'Twaun's personal vendetta against people with names that include "ua" continues. He will ruin DeQuan Jones.
Andrew Nicholson- Andrew rides Splash Mountain several dozen times a day, changing his face and gesture slightly each time he passes the souvenir photo camera. He's working on a flip book.
Kyle O'Quinn- O'Qpid is an online dating service Kyle started where you make an account, enter your personal information, answer a bunch of questions about yourself, and then it matches you up with Kyle O'Quinn and he takes you to Ruby Tuesdays and makes you order chicken fingers off the kids menu because he wants them but is embarrassed to order them himself.
Nikola Vucevic- None of the Magic water boys or equipment managers have bothered to tell Nikola that tipping for their services is not customary. The extra cash is kinda nice.
Adventures in Impersonating Arron Afflalo on Omegle!
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: m 27 florrida
Stranger: Im 19 f us
Stranger: Ive just made this webcam video [link]
Stranger: Hmmm do I look sexy?? go rate it
You: i can't
Stranger: Hmmm do u think I look good on the webcam video??
You: a baaby is in the rom and he'll frreak out if he ses that
You: a big baaby
Stranger: Hmmmm Im getting boooored here
You: i imaagine that you lok verry god in the video though
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Jim Todd Pep Talk!
dyson listen. tyson. i'm worried there's gonna be a letdown dyson. i'm nervous. look i bit off all the webbing between my fingers. because i'm so nervous. i don't know it's a bad habit. it grows back. anyway i need you to motivate the guys out there dice son. these rats don't score a lot of points but we can't take them lightly. gotta play defense. stop looking at my hands i told you it's not a big deal. if there's a letdown i'm gonna blame it on you dylan. you. ow i probably shouldn't point like that. yeah i'll be okay.
And now you're ready for Knicks-Magic!