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Pre-Game Reconnaissance: Knicks vs. Suns- 12/2/12

Prepare yourself for Knicks-Suns!


What's up with the Suns?

I asked Dave King of Bright Side of the Sun. Here's what Dave had to say:

What's up with the Suns?

Well, a lot of angst, for one thing. The Suns are struggling to show any consistency, garnering only a 7-10 record against an easy schedule. The biggest reason is that the Suns have no star. No all-star caliber player to carry the team through tough times and to dominate the attention of the other team. A far cry from Suns teams of old with 2-3 All-Stars per season.

The Suns are bad enough to dig double-digit holes in an astonishing 14 of their first 17 games. Terrible starts. Truly terrible.

Yet, they are good enough to have fought back to a tie score by the fourth quarter in more than half of those and have actually won 4 of them (one a 26-point comeback, another from 19) to account for more than half their wins on the young season.

Yet, it's tough to win on the road when your M.O. is to start slow and fight later. All of the Suns successful comebacks have come on their home court. On the season, the Suns have only two road wins (Charlotte, Cleveland) and both of those the Suns led most of the game.

So I would be surprised if the Suns put up a huge fight on the road against the Knicks on Sunday. It's quite possible - mainly if the Knicks coast through the game - but to think the Suns will close out the game with a win is foolhardy.

The Suns biggest achilles' heel is defending 3-point shots. Opponents are making an unbelievable 44% of their 3-point shots against the Suns this season. 44%! In the last two games, Detroit and Toronto combined to make something like 16 of 26 attempts from behind the arc. Combine that with the Knicks awesome 3-point shooting this season and this game could get ugly. U-G-L-Y, ugly.

But, having said that, the Suns are spunky and their second unit is liable to keep this game interesting until the end. Who knows who Alvin Gentry will play in the 4th - he goes with the hot hands of the night.

This could possibly, maybe be an exciting game to the final seconds.

Meet the new Suns!

Michael Beasley- Michael's decision to blend all the late-year holidays and knock on neighbors' doors late at night in mid-December wearing a Santa outfit, brandishing a lit candle, and demanding pieces of turkey to put in his bag seems bound to get him in trouble.

Goran Dragic- Unbeknownst to most, Goran has a strange condition wherein the only way he can respond to a question asked of him is to get a permanent tattoo depicting the answer to the question. Because that's a huge pain in the ass, Goran has no tattoos and peers think of him as rather rude and aloof.

Diante Garrett- Diante, who is most comfortable at temperatures exceeding 140 degrees Fahrenheit, is frequently seen arriving at US Airways Center in a parka and gloves.

Wesley Johnson- Wesley's poor perimeter shooting is borne out of an NBA Jam-generated fear that his hands will actually combust if he makes three consecutive baskets.

Kendall Marshall- Kendall's alter-ego, Marshall Kendall, is a 38 year-old, divorced anaesthesiologist in Tempe.

Jermaine O'Neal- Jermaine chose to sign with the Suns to help fund the expansive taco ranch he's establishing in the Sonoran Desert. It's just a herd of tacos left to frolic in their natural habitat within the confines of a one-acre enclosure. Admission for vacationers is $40,000.

Luis Scola- Luis has reached a compromise with the Suns: He is permitted to take soup baths at the arena, but only before the game and at halftime, not between all quarters. On the road, he has to personally ask special permission of the opposing team's locker room managers.

P.J. Tucker- P.J. wears goggles on the court now because a plate of undercooked moussaka he ate while playing overseas gave him the bacterial disease known as "stink eye". His eyes smell terrible.

Luke Zeller- Luke poops marbles.

Adventures in Impersonating Michael Beasley on Omegle!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: helllloooooo....... **

You: Hi

You: What's your favorite color?

Stranger: how are you doing?

Stranger: red

You: HAHAHAHA, why red?

Stranger: and black

Stranger: yours?

You: Those are silly colors.

Stranger: because it's my favrte

You: Okay.

Stranger: whats yours?

You: 1. Pizza

You: 2. Green (on a neutral background) with iridescent orange polka dots.

You: 3. See-through

You: 4. Chimpanzee fur

Stranger: cool

You: 5. Wet olive

You: 6. Sandy wet olive

Stranger: wow

Stranger: whats your gender?

You: 7. Auburn as seen through a pair of scratched spectacles

You: Male/undecided

You: Why?

Stranger: lol

Stranger: just asking

You: Oh.

Stranger: so your male

You: I am male, I suppose.

You: I don't see the point of genders.

Stranger: check it out

Stranger: look down

Stranger: yourself

You: Okay. I see Mrs. Bonnie St. Cloud, my penis.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Six Degrees of Jason Kidd!

Jason Kidd's been around a while and he's made quite a few connections over the years. But what about the Phoenix Suns? Can we connect any of them to Jason in just six degrees? Let's see...

Jermaine O'Neal played for the 2001 Indiana Pacers with guard Travis Best.

Travis Best played point guard for Georgia Tech, where he was succeeded by Stephon Marbury.

Stephon Marbury currently plays in China, as does Shawne Williams.

Shawne Williams did not star in the film Mona Lisa Smile. Neither did Jason Kidd's middle school principal, Mrs. Contreras.

Jason Kidd's middle school principal, Mrs. Contreras, loves to eat grapes. So does the average orangutan.

The average orangutan looks quite silly wearing a headband. So does...

Jason Kidd!


And now you're prepared for Knicks-Suns!

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