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Carmelo Anthony is afraid of cats.

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This post stems entirely from this entertaining but woefully unembeddable video. It's one of those things where two overdressed babies interview the Knicks, and it's pretty great. Here it is again if you'd like to watch it before reading my incisive analysis. I'll give you a minute.

Okay, ready for the incisive analysis? Let's begin.

- Predictably, most Knicks would salsa if they scored a touchdown in football. Bill Walker thinks the Funky Chicken is an example of something that is "hilarious" and Landry Fields's idea-- to just stare blankly into the crowd until it gets really uncomfortable for everybody-- is EXACTLY what I would do except he forgot to mention the part where you mime masturbating.

- Landry Fields is afraid of spiders. Bill Walker is afraid of mice. Carmelo Anthony is afraid of cats. Right on up the food chain, eh? By extension, I think we can assume that Amar'e Stoudemire is afraid of dogs, Toney Douglas is afraid of mountain lions, Steve Novak is afraid of bears, and Renaldo Balkman is afraid of bear-eating whales.

- But yo, I really want to know why Melo's scared of cats (and specifically "alley cats"). I, like Jaylah, was baffled to hear that. Did he have a bad experience with a cat? Cats are creepy and gross, but I haven't met too many people who are genuinely frightened by them.

- Rampant staring contest cheating. It's an epidemic.

- Landry Fields is one of those people who says "Rock, paper, scissor SAYS shoot." That extra syllable really throws folks off and is just totally wrong.

And that is all. We must get to the bottom of Melo's ailurophobia.