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BREAKING: Jeremy Lin has a fruit roll-up jersey.

I loved "Linsanity". I took an immense amount of vicarious pleasure in watching Jeremy Lin earn himself minutes, dominate everyone in his path, and reap the subsequent rewards. Seeing someone my same age rise to such prominence so rapidly made me feel giddy and proud and amazed, but I wouldn't say I ever felt envious. UNTIL NOW. From Jeremy's Twitter via another Twitter friend:

thanks fruit snacks for the best gift ever: a life-size jersey made of fruit roll up. I would eat it if it wasnt framed:

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First of all, is "Fruit Snacks" a real corporation? Second of all, WHAT. I am paralyzed with jealousy. I want that so badly. I guess I'm also impressed-- yet again-- with Jeremy's age-defying poise and discipline. I would chew right through the glass to get to a fruit roll-up that large. Finally, do the colors correspond to flavors? If so, what flavor is white? Black?

I assume this is because Jeremy counted refrigerated fruit snacks among his favorite candies that one time. If that's the case: HELLO EXCUSE ME MY NAME IS SETH AND I LOVE FRUIT SNACKS AND FRUIT ROLL-UPS I WILL HAPPILY ACCEPT A LIFE-SIZED FRUIT ROLL-UP VERSION OF ANY OF MY BELONGINGS I HAVE PLENTY OF WALL SPACE OR MAYBE A FRUIT ROLL-UP BEDSPREAD WOULD DO THANK YOU