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(It's a home-and-home, I'm bored, and the Knicks are making me grumpy. This will not be a regular occurrence.)
What's up with the Raptors?
They're been pretty good of late. Check out this preview from Raptors HQ.
Meet the new Raptors!
Since the Knicks last saw the Raptors in the preseason, Toronto sent Rudy Gay out in a big ol' trade. Get to know the new guys:
Chuck Hayes: You know how Jerry West is the silhouette in the NBA logo? Chuck is the guy in the "WALK" sign at a pedestrian crossing.
Patrick Patterson: Guess what Patrick's cat is named. No seriously, guess. Okay, it's Catrick Catterson.
John Salmons: John was alarmed to find that, even though he'd drawn each of them a tiny passport, his scorpions were not permitted to cross the border into Canada.
Greivis Vasquez: Before his arrival in Toronto, Greivis's new teammates received a list of his allergies, including: cacti, raisins, things that look like raisins, human hair, sandals, and "weird babies"
Adventures in Impersonating Landry Fields on Omegle
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello f 24 years of age
You: hey there
Stranger: im glad this site exists cause im so bored lol. r you bored as well?
You: me too! i'm very bored. still got like six hours until my game
Stranger: want to skkype me now? my name is ----------------------
You: i'd rather just chat. would be tough for me to do video because my friend tyler is nearby screaming linkin park songs
You: it's really loud
Stranger: addd me
Stranger has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey..22m..writer...want to have a clean and friendly convo
You: hey
Stranger: how r u?
You: i'm fine, bored. got a while til my game starts
Stranger: how old r u?
You: 25
Stranger: which game?
You: basketball
Stranger: aahh..I c..so whats ur namw?
Stranger: name?
You: landry
Stranger: boy?
You: yes
Stranger: girl?
You: male
Stranger: oh...so Landry...where r u fron?
Stranger: from*
You: i'm from california
You: but i live in toronto now
You: currently in new york
Stranger: u covered the whole of north America there
Stranger: :P
You: ha, yeah, i have to travel a lot
Stranger: end to end
You: i actually used to live here in new york but
You: that changed
Stranger: oh...due to job?
You: yeah
You: toronto gave me a whoooole lot of money. no way i could say no
You: but i don't deserve it
Stranger has disconnected.
Cole Aldrich: Bench Critic
TORONTO:
APPEARANCE: CHAIRISH. BLUE W/ WHITE CUSHIONS
BACK SUPPORT: ADEQUATE. BACK REST COMES UP TOO LOW ON SPINE. PRESSURE ON THORACIC NERVES.
BUTTFEEL: SOFT, SOMEWHAT LUMPY
FLAVOR: CHAIRISH
AMENITIES: FOUR (4) LEGS, ZERO (0) CUPHOLDERS, ZERO (0) HD GAMING SCREENS
2.5 STARS
Jim Todd Pep Talk!
listen up andre i know these toronto rats used to be your friends. they betrayed you. i know what that's like. that happened to me back in the trenches in kathmandu in '29. they betrayed me. andy i don't want to alarm you but do you know about drones. drones. i read about them in a website. listen andrew they can fly planes with no one in them. they put the planes up over your head and they can see you and kill you. the nba gave these rats 48 hours to get you back and we can't let them do that angus. i got you this big hat. it's mine that's why there's paint on it. i used to wear it to go to the beach but they don't let me go to the beach anymore because i made a citizen's arrest on a terrorist crab. but you can have my hat so the drones can't see you from above and shoot you
you're welcome andrew
And now you're ready for the Raptors!