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Phil Jackson discusses Melo and starters, smack-talks Spike Lee at New Yorker festival

Everybody shut up...Dad is talking!

We all know that Knicks president Phil Jackson is one cultured-ass motherfucker. He stopped by The New Yorker Festival this weekend -- presumably to talk about his belief that John Cheever was a far better writer than John Updike -- but for some reason all anybody wanted to do was ask the poor guy about basketball.


A sit down conversation with Phil Jackson. #NYerFest

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Let's begin by getting down to the matter clearlty on everyone's minds: Is Carmelo Anthony tripping balls?

And to think of all the time I've wasted dropping acid to better understand the nuances of the Triangle!

(Wait...did I type that, or just think it? Was I talking? CAN THEY HEAR ME???)

He did have some other, non-drug-related things to say about Melo:

Personally, I agree with that previous statement 100 percent -- Melo played his heart out for last year's poop circus, despite the fact that he was getting paid either way.

Another player who has caught Phil's fancy is Jose Calderon, who looks set to start at the point this season:

Wait...does that mean Melo is penciled in at the power forward spot? DON'T TOY WITH US, BEGLEY!!!

(In all seriousness: It was probably a slip-up. I'm sure Melo will be starting at shooting guard. Calm down, everyone.)

He gave some interesting insights into how the franchise is utilizing modern technology:

Nice to see the old dog is learning new tricks.

Phil also spoke on the franchise's relationship with the fans and media. See if you can pinpoint the exact moment when Frank Isola's nipples got hard:

And as for Isola's eternal nemesis, Jackson had some...interesting thoughts on Mr. Dolan:

C'mon, Phil...this is New Yorker Fest, not Def Comedy Jam.

In miscellaneous news, Phil also took time out to discuss player reading habits and talk smack on Spike Lee and Donald Sterling:

Noticed how Jackson talks shit on Spike Lee as a fan, but left out Woody Allen in front of a New Yorker crowd? Dude knows his audience.

I thoroughly enjoy your talks, Mr. Jackson. Let's do it again some time.