Prequels and origin stories are all the rage on TV nowadays. FOX is pulling down big ratings with their new show "Gotham," which tells the story of fresh-faced detective Jim Gordon and pre-pubescent Bruce Wayne. I watched the show a few times -- wasn't really my cup of tea.
Fortunately, I caught wind of a pilot for a far more exciting prequel series premiering soon on MSG. It chronicles the rise of a hero so bad-ass he makes Batman look prissy. I'm referring of course, to Thanasis Antetokounmpo.
The year is 2014 -- a time before our hero transformed into the ball-hawking menace who would win seven consecutive NBA Defensive Player of the Year awards. In those days, he was a hungry young off-guard with a dream. But that dream would be tested on the mean courts of...WESTCHESTER.
Thanasis Antetokounmpo as Thanasis Antetokounmpo
Bay Ridge Honda Girl as the woman he loves
Allan Houston as the chief
Herb Williams as the disheveled old man hanging out behind the team's practice facility
Houston: "Antetokounmpo, get your ass in here!"
Thanasis: "You sent for me, chief?"
Houston: "I thought I'd just welcome you to the squad. Care for a bourbon?"
Thanasis: "No, thank you. Do you have any smoothies?"
Houston: "What the fuck is a smoothie? Anyway, I pulled your file -- stints in Delaware and Vegas. Impressive stuff. Commissioner Jackson speaks very highly of you. Bet you think you're gonna be the new golden boy 'round here, huh?"
Thanasis: "No, sir."
Houston: -takes a swig of bourbon- "Y'see, what I can't figure is how you ended up here. I heard you turned down a cushy assignment overseas to play in this shit hole."
Thanasis: "Just thought I could make a difference here, chief."
Houston: "HAHAHA. You kids...I swear to God. OK, get the hell out of here and report to Coach Whitted. Just practice jump shots for the rest of the afternoon."
Thanasis: "Actually, I was hoping to take part in some defensive drills."
Houston: -takes a swig of bourbon- "You better settle down with that 'defense' talk. That stuff just doesn't fly 'round here."
Thanasis: "With all due respect, sir, I intend to play defense."
Houston: "WELLLLLLLLLL looks like we got us a cowboy here! What the hell do you know about defense? I played with Ewing, with Oakley. This franchise was once a beacon of defense in a cruel, offensive world. But that was another time. Those days aren't coming back." -downs a pint of turpentine-
Thanasis: "That's why I came here. The Knicks aren't beyond saving. We can bring defense back."
Houston: "This isn't some one-horse town like Delaware or Las Vegas...this is Westchester. These streets will chew you up and shit you out. You think you're the first kid to come around here talking about defense? Let me tell you about a recruit by the name of Renaldo Balkman. Good kid...drafted in 2008, about 30 spots ahead of where you were picked this summer. He used to talk about defense too. Know what happened to him? Last I heard he was choking dudes in the Philippines. You young punks have no idea about the real player in this town."
Thanasis: "Are you talking about...The Kazoodler?"
Houston: -pours a fifth of scotch into a bowl of corn flakes- "He's just a myth, son."
Thanasis: "I know he exists...and I know everyone in this office is in his pocket. Where else would you get something like that?" -points to the ruby-studded kazoo on Houston's mantle-
Houston: "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY OFFICE! You're suspended without pay for three weeks. Now turn in your badge and your gun."
Thanasis: "...but I'm a basketball player."
Houston: "Oh yeah...sorry."
Thanasis: "You can do whatever you want to me, but I promise I won't rest until the Kazoodler is brought to justice and the Knicks have a top-ten D-rating." -Thanasis exits-
Houston: "Somebody get Herb Williams in here, now!
I don't trust this kid, Herb. Follow him."
Herb Williams: "You got it, chief! Does this mean I can get my old office back?"
Houston: "Hell no, bitch! You need to stop acting so damn desperate . Now get out your ass out there and do your job!"
To be continued...