clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Taylor Swift and the romantic mystery of the Knicks No. 13 jersey

By Joe Flynn
Jeff Gross

From the little I know of popular culture, singer Taylor Swift can be quite a polarizing figure. Personally, I don't get what all the H8ERZ are going on about; the girl seems down to me. Just look at her choice of Knicks jersey number from Sunday's open scrimmage. She wasn't some fake-ass bandwagon fan rocking No. 7 for Carmelo Anthony, No. 33 for Patrick Ewing, or No. 17 for Butch Van Breda Kolff...no, she went for the boldest choice imaginable, No. 13:

Just look at the reaction she got from Amar'e Stoudemire:

Poor STAT -- a nice Jewish boy like him had no chance against the power of the blond shiksa temptress.

So just who exactly was the inspiration behind T-Swift's jersey? Twitter abounds with conspiracy theories. Some so-called "journalists" are claiming that 13 is simply her lucky number. Sorry, but I don't buy it -- next you'll try telling that her song "22" is not an homage to Knicks legend Dave DeBusschere:

No, Taylor Swift knew exactly what she was doing when she chose that number. She was looking for romance.

Unfortunately, we don't yet know exactly what kind of romance she was looking for. The old cliche "The name on the front of the jersey matters more than the name on the back" does not apply here. The list of Knicks to don the No. 13 jersey is like a history of sex itself. The Knick that you choose to represent you says a great deal about what you bring to a relationship.

Before we start, a reminder: Jerome Williams did not wear the No. 13 jersey, even if he seems to think he did:

Sorry, Junkyard Dog, but you wore 13 for the Pistons and Raptors. You wore 31 for the Knicks. You're a nice guy and all, but you don't belong on this list.

The Cold Fish

Shelden Williams (2011): Shelden Williams had super weird eyes. Are those the kind of eyes you want peering into your very soul as you spend time with your significant other? If the answer is "yes" then you are a dirty, dirty pervert and cannot be trusted.

Mark Jackson (1987-1992, 2002): Do you really want every date to turn into a shrieking argument over religion? Also, Jackson's catch phrase is, "Mama, there goes that man?" Do you really want to give you heart to someone who is checking out every man who walks down the street?

Malik Rose (2005-2006): Rose was a fine player who turned to dookie once he hit the Big Apple. The team shipped a superior No. 13 (Nazr Mohammed) to San Antonio to acquire him. He's enjoyable as a broadcaster, but we've all been sweet-talked by charmers who promise the world and then fail to deliver.

The Possible Posers

Ray Williams (1978-1984), Ed Sherod (1983), Anthony Bowie (1998): If you are under the age of 40 you probably didn't watch Williams or Sherod play. I actually did watch the 1997-98 Knicks and don't remember a damn thing about Bowie (You were no Chris Mills, dude). If you are putting one of these guys are your jersey you're clearing doing it for the camp value.

The Sexual Healers

Jerome James (2007-2009): What kind of person would wear a Jerome James jersey in this day and age? An enigma, a gypsy, a demon in the sack -- that's who.

Sergio Rodriguez (2010): His nickname, courtesy of Basketball-Reference...

Nazr Mohammed (2004-2005): The passionate, doomed romance; the one you never forget. You love this person, but you know you're holding him back. Your life is a mess, you're going nowhere...you're starting Tim Thomas, for God's sake! This person deserves better. As the old saying goes: "If you love something, trade it to San Antonio. If it returns after winning a chip, it is yours; if it bounces around the NBA for another decade, it was never meant to be."

Luc Longley (2001): This is the forever kind of love -- the one you bring home to your parents. Ever heard the phrase "Put a ring on it?" Well Longley put three rings on it while playing with the Bulls. That's commitment. That's Longley.

So how about it, folks -- is your special someone more of a Nazr, or a Jerome? Let us know in the comments.

More From Posting and Toasting