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Everything you need to know about the Westchester Knicks' 2014 draft class

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Knicks draft news! You can't deny it!

I'd take Ray Felton on my D-League team...probably.
I'd take Ray Felton on my D-League team...probably.
Elsa

The Westchester Knicks' quest to unseat that rat bastard Dylan Murphy and his Fort Wayne Mad Ants as champions of the NBA D-League kicked off Saturday in the same hallowed ground that has launched so many title-winning campaigns over the years...Buffalo Wild Wings.

Thanasis Antetokounmpo at Buffalo Wild Wings is now my second favorite foreign-born New York athlete/chain restaurant crossover, just below Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez being interviewed at Hooters.

In non-wing-related news, the W-Knicks front office also participated in the franchise's first-ever D-League draft. As a writer who mainly covers the New York Knicks, I'm not quite sure how this "draft" business works. Don't worry, though, because the team traded their first-rounder for former Cavaliers power forward Darnell Jackson. Without the burden of having that first-round pick, Knicks fans can instantly feel more familiar with the whole process.

The W-Knicks selected five players on Saturday afternoon. Let's break 'em down!

The team's historic first selection was former University of Illinois guard Joseph Bertrand, accompanied by DEEEEEEEEEEEZE NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTS!

While some may see this as an unfortunate bit of cropping, I prefer to look at it as a bold declaration of this franchise's playing style -- we're going to play fast, attack the rim and rub our nuts all up in your forehead!!!

For their second pick the Knicks went with a recognizable (family) name:

I have three thoughts on this selection:

  1. The Knicks organization now kinda sorta employs O.J. Mayo's brother. That's...something.
  2. "Todd Mayo" is a wonderful name in and of itself. It sounds like a character from a piece of right-wing fan fiction -- perhaps the sheriff of a small Midwest town who pepper-sprays some creep A.C.L.U. lawyer for whining about a nativity scene on public property, then gets acquitted by a jury of his grateful neighbors because it's about time someone in this country had some danged sense!
  3. Todd Mayo went to Marquette, I guess?

Pick No. 3:

Ussery is a 6'9" forward from Point Loma Nazarene college, with is most likely located in Point Loma. Also, there are a surprising number of Tweets with the #dleauge and #dleaugedraft hashtags.

Pick No. 4:

Wright is a 6'4" guard from George Mason. Judging by that photo, he has tattoos on both arms and can breathe and dribble a basketball simultaneously.

Pick No. 5:

Mitchell is 32 years old and has played professionally in Israel. I predict that he and Amar'e Stoudemire will become good friends.

Pick No. 6:

Kevin Tiggs comes over to the Knicks after a stint with the Hawks in 2013-14.*

*The Wollongong Hawks of the Australian National Basketball League, that is.

And that's all, folks. The W-Knicks season kicks off Nov. 19, though I don't know why they even bother to play the games. This kind of talent all but guarantees these guys will be headed back to Buffalo Wild Wings next spring with a trophy in tow.