Pistons 98, Knicks 95: "Needed that quick 5 count again"

Pre-season basketball is back! Right? Is that what that was? Because that's what it felt like. New York and Detroit really let loose a gigantic sodden sepulchered stinker tonight. This game was so loose it needed a belt to sag it's pants. So loose the belt needed suspenders and was seen asking ticket holders for pepto. So loose-- this game burst its lap band. So loose your father made a "your mother joke" about it. This game was so loose you could tie one end of it to a door knob, slam the door, find out the door was a swinging door, have your tooth yoinked from your mouth all the way into the kitchen and swing back still stuck in your gums, only to blip out as soon as the elasticity of this wild event amazed you.

What I mean to say is the Knicks most certainly Knicked and made one of their patented ferocious preposterous comebacks, only to come up short in the end. Walt Clyde Phraser kept the early season in full perspective, noting that the the Knicks "needed that quick five count again"-- a poignant and surrendered remark about how tenuous a win can be in the NBA. On this shadowy, full moon-lit night, as we hope to swan dive our way into November, let us also prepare for the cruel smack of a graceless belly flop into a waterless pool. These Knicks are neither overwhelmingly talented, nor marginally cohesive. Not yet, possibly not ever. Lets seal this tomb.

- Before the game started we got word that JR Smith received a one game suspension for playing a little handball with the two tumors in Glen Rice Jr's bloomers.

- Already down a few players (Juicy Calzone, Androgynous Balogna) this game struck another blow as Pablo Prigioni sprained his right ankle on a drive to the hoop on a broken play. I kinda blame David Wear's aura for that one.

- Speaking of which, we had a Travis Wear sighting to start the second quarter. The MSG camera crew made a nice little visual assist, showing a pair of Knick fan twins in home and away Carmelo jerseys. Maybe it was a happy accident. Kudos to them regardless.

- In the first half Jason Smith was on fire, scoring all 17 of his points on confident mid range pops, and even the twisty post move or two. Sadly Jason contributed little else despite getting a massive and ferocious block on a Josh Smith dunk attempt. However, my favorite play of the game for him, ordinary as it may seem, was a nifty back door cut. Iman Shumpert fed him a very chest passy alley-oop and Smith just sort of grabbed it and guided it in for two.

To start the second half Smith was shown joking with one of the refs. Shortly thereafter Andre Drummond got a few questionable offensive fouls. Hopefully this was not the Jason Smith game, though. Earl wasn't there.

- Shump had a solid enough game. Pressed to be a more offensive force with JR gone, and later Prigioni, Shumpert had a nice mix of attacking and keeping the flow going. Sadly this thing flowed right down the toilet. He shot 4-6 from deep, and is now 11-15 through 5 games. You know what they say about sample size. It's not the numbers in the ocean, it's the fact that he can shoot 75% from three all year at this pace.

The sly Shumpertooth also swatted the living shit out of Caron Butler to end the first half. The only problem I had with that is the Knicks perpetually close quarters and leave four full seconds on the game clock for no apparent reason*. In this instance we held for the last shot, then Shane Larkin forced a drive and tossed up a wild something or other, and the Pistons took it the other way and had a nice look lined up if not for Iman's claw raking that pumpkin into the stands.

*I'd guess the reason is actually to allow for a second chance bucket on a put back or kick out, but they be out there makin' me feel so very nervous!!

- Carmelo Anthony just couldn't get it together for the second straight night and mottled his way to 13 points on 21 shots in 39 minutes. The isolationist leader we once knew is clearly trying to sabotage his wonderful eight assists to one turnover line.

- You know who else shot horrendously? Josh Smith and Andre Drummond shot a combined 5 for 20 in the paint. Josh Smith also tossed up a calamitous 0-7 from various long two areas. That is mind numbing and should help shed some light on some of the 19 offensive rebounds Detroit snaggled.

Drummond seemed frustrated that he was too big for this tiny basketball planet, whereas Josh Smith was just an utter dolt. At one point Josh airballed a floater, got it back somehow, and missed two consecutive tip ins that were only loosely contested because of his superior athleticism. He later took off from too far out and got frightened by Cole Aldrich, short arming a dunk attempt and getting hung at the rim. His frustration was capped with a heat check 19 footer from the left wing. What on earth, Josh Smith? Yuck.

- Are we speaking of o-board snagglers at this juncture? I'd like that to be the case. Amar'e Stoudemire savagely ripped offensive rebounds directly from the hands of a few Pistons and dumped in a few mostly uncontested buckets as a result. STAT is looking more and more ferocious. I think it's safe to say, if he stays healthy, he'll be a major part of what works if we can really start triangulating.

- Tim Hardaway Jr had a nice game against his dad's new team. Nice enough, anyway. I'm struggling to be impressed with the kid lately, to be totally honest. He's kind of the Eddie Haskell of good basketball.

- Greg Monroe decimated our front line all night, and put the final nail in the coffin with a nice shake and spin for a short turn around jumper. 23 poinciana's, 18 bordeaux's.

- What else, ladies and germs? You want a final flash of notes? Kentavious Caldwell-Pope is a glorious name, and he got the FARTDOG Award. Jonas Jerebko is clearly someone Quincy Acy didn't feel the pressure to guard. That bothered me. The one hundred and fifty some odd seconds of fire-breathing misery got me upset right at the very end. Thats the death knell for the Knick victory. Bill Pidto is abysmal and much too smug to be charismatic in that setting. Mike Crispino is a lovable dork. He gives Clyde plenty of room, and calls it pretty straight, despite the occasional homer comment. Plus, his nickname is "Crispy". I can get with that.

This thing was way over with some 9 minutes left in the game, and the dumb turds tried to trick us, getting within 3 and having a few chances to pull a heist. You can't, however, play from behind and expect to win. Doesn't matter who you're up against. Our next game is Friday night versus Robert Randolph and the Brooklyn Nets. The bar should be set pretty low for us right now. Hopefully the energy of the crowd will help the Knicks rise to the occasion. Thanks for reading, now forget this monster.

j smith j smith, via bjabs